Funny Quotes for the Harried Mother

Mothers shape and mold their children every day, and it can be a daunting task. Moms have many roles to play: bread winner, bread maker, housekeeper, referee, teacher, accountant, chauffeur, guardian, negotiator, nurse, chef, counselor... the list goes on and on. Mom needs a reminder to keep her sense of humor, especially on Mother's Day.

Mom Quote #1: Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life. ~ Author unknown
Ain't this the truth? A mom is on-call 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. I don't think I slept for four years when my son and daughter were very young. It constantly amazed me what I could accomplish on little to no sleep! Okay, so sometimes I found the can of powdered formula in the refrigerator and the mixed bottle in the cupboard, or a dirty diaper in the laundry pile and the stained clothing in the trash. Even though I thought I was losing my mind then, I can laugh about it now.

Mom Quote #2: If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? ~ Milton Berle
As a mother, there are so many times when have just one extra hand would come in.. well, handy. Kids expect Mom to be able to do it all, and all at once. Just the other day, I had several bags of groceries in my hands, a case of soda tucked under one arm and a gallon of milk under the other. The moment I entered the house, demands came flying in from all directions. "Mom! I'm hungry, can I have a snack?" "Mom! Can you help me open the tooth paste?" "Mom! We don't like this cartoon!" I felt like I needed to take cover! Yes, an extra hand or two sure would make a mother's life much easier.

Mom Quote #3: It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~ Phyllis Diller
I'll admit it. The lack of sleep I mentioned earlier made it difficult for me to grasp the meaning behind this quote. But after tripping over a pile of Barbies, crashing into the table, knocking over the mountain of bills, and yelling at my kids to stop killing each other, suddenly this quote made perfect sense.

Mom Quote #4: A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~ Peter De Vries
Although my children haven't reached the age of baseball practice, gymnastics, youth groups, swimming lessons and slumber parties, I am constantly driving them somewhere. During my work day, it takes two trips to get them both to after-school daycare. On the weekends, I'm driving them all over the place, to one event or another. It's exhausting!

Mom Quote #5: My second favorite household chore is ironing. The first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. ~ Erma Bombeck
This is why I don't own an iron. Or a bunk bed.

Mom Quote #6: You know you're a mother when you have time to shave only one leg at a time, and you hide in the bathroom to be alone.
There was no credit line for this quote, but I may as well put my own name up there. When my son was a baby, I had to bring him into the bathroom with me while I showered, otherwise I wouldn't get one daily. Thankfully they are older and I can lock the door, but that still doesn't stop them. The moment the bathroom door closes, little hands start knocking. "Mom! What are you doing in there?" "Mom! What's taking so long!" "Mom! Mikey just knocked over the bookcase!" "Mom! I need to go potty!"

As a newspaper reporter, I'm on the phone a lot in the evenings, trying to wrap up interviews. I wonder how many of my interviewees realized I was locked in the bathroom just so I could talk to them!

Mom Quote #7: I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. ~ Jennifer Unlimited
Come down the stomach flu one time, and you'll understand this quote. This happened to me recently, and when I finally felt human again, my house looked like a pig sty. So much for feeling human!

Mom Quote #8: Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids. ~ Erma Bombeck
Bombeck hit it right on the mark with this insightful quote. I question my sanity on a daily basis.

Mom Quote #9: Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young. ~ Author unknown
I have a few years before my children are teenagers, but already my three-year-old daughter is flipping her hair and rolling her eyes at me. I move to amend this quote to "Mothers know why animals eat their young."

Mom Quote #10: I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. ~ Roseanne Barr
I concur.

Sources:
www.momscape.com
www.basicjokes.com
www.webmomz.com
www.poemofquotes.com
www.dayformothers.com