Funny Things My Kids Say

I don't know if I just hit the jackpot, but my children say amusing things almost daily. At ages 3, 5, and 7, they're all precociously verbal, and that gives us some startling insights into the inner workings of their brains. I have often wondered aloud about how little children process their thoughts, and now I know.

One of the more common things to hear around the house is a non-sequitor. (A word or phrase that is startlingly out of place in the conversation.) For instance this morning my father greeted my three-year old son with the normal "Good morning, how are you?". And my son looked up at him and earnestly replied "Um....ice cream melts in the sun!" Indeed. This same child often engages me in conversations like the following...
Him: My stomach hurts...Me: Why?...Him: Because it was sitting on my brain.
Try to logic that one out.

Family relationships often lead to interesting things being said. Earlier this month I heard my oldest shriek angrily "WHY DID YOU THROW THAT CORN COB AT ME!", and as I went to investigate, I heard his youngest brother reply "Well, you were supposed to duck." Which caused me to wonder whether that was his excuse, or whether he genuinely expected his brother to intuit the flying corn cob and duck in time to avoid being hit.
There's also the problem of children picking up what grownups say. I learned my lesson well when my toddler heard me say "I sounded like an idiot" in a conversation. He turned around and said very seriously "Yes, you sounded like an idiot! You are an idiot!" I don't think my explanation of why that was not a good thing to say carried much weight, seeing as I was gasping for breath in between paroxysms of laughter while I was telling him what a bad, bad thing that was to say. But it wasn't any worse than the time when he stood in the crowded grocery store, verbalizing his latest epiphany: "Hey Mama! Did you know that I'm SKINNY and you're VERY FAT!" Sweet child. Having been told nothing but how wonderfully, beautifully, fabulously fat he was as an infant, he thought that was a perfectly reasonable, completely inoffensive thing to say. Just the facts. No judgement there. Just the very embarassing facts.

And then there is just the pure, silly wonderfulness that comes out of their mouths. The child who describes his stomach as feeling "all jingly and happy on this side, and sick on the other", and the one who spent a good year perfecting his pirate squint, his pirate "Argh!!!!", and told us excitedly that he'd found a treasure chest containing a wonderful treasure (Cake!!!!), and the child whose first sentence was "What are you drinking, mama?" and whose second sentence was "Can I have some?" There's the little boy who suddenly decided to start singing his bed-time prayers like an Orthodox priest (we're Protestant). As a mother of boys, I regularly get to hear them jostle for position around the toilet, and tinkling, and the triumphant cry of "Mine beat yours! Ha!"

And then there's my all time favorite, which gets me rolling every time I hear it, and which fortunately happens very frequently. One of my children, not wanting to wait for assistance at the potty, began to sing loudly as a way of getting my attention. There is just..something...about hearing a little boys voice wafting through the house, amplified by the vents, melodiously singing "Iiiiii...ammmmm....donnnnne...pooooo...piiiiiing!" in a perfect major scale.

Yes indeed, I will have a lot to embarass them with when they are grown. I can't wait!