Funny Tweets on Twitter

Okay readers here are more funny tweets from Twitter including tweets about the cold weather that seems to be terrorizing everyone.

Funny tweets from today in no particular order are:

1. " I am riding in a helicopter right now. And I have service up here! Heading to the Peoples Choice Awards. Mid-air tweeting... So 2010."

2. "Attention married people: When your spouse is tipsy, please cover for them. Go onstage in place of them. "

3. "Twitter is becoming the time suck that is making me late to work."

4. "Quote of the night I heard in WalMart: "Don't tell me who to put out to. I'll put out where I want to put out!"

5. "WalMart is so freaking dumb sometimes!"

6. "I feel like I gained two pounds, just got back from Burger King."

7. "I really need a job. I guess I'll suck it up and apply at Burger King."

8. "Got super excited when I got a Burger King flyer with coupons for the new bourbon whopper. then i realize there are no Burger Kings in downtown Montreal."

9. "Why am I so quick to fall for this.... Hits self with newspaper NO!"

10. "Survey ranks newspaper reporter only #184 best job. But before you laugh, better see if you also rank below janitor."

11. "Life kicks me in the crotch again. I don't wrong anybody and i am rewarded with my whole wallet being taken."

12. "Money can become your best friend or your worse enemy."

13. "Of course you are the only woman I talk to on the phone !! "Hold on I gotta beep"

14. "Hello, 911 my son just floated away in a balloon."

15. "Your number is not in my phone because all my numbers got deleted."

16. "Three tables in three and a half hours. $11 to split three ways. Kill me please."

17. " I'm "Single" Like dollars at the strip club.

18. "I am freezing in my own house. Brrrr. Must get cup of tea - already wearing sweater. Winter- blah!"

19. "Man Mickey and Minnie are freezing their tiny micey butts off..it's colder then a witches...in Orlando!"

20. "Adventures in sitting on your ass in a freezing apartment!"

21. "Temp gauge on truck momentarily climbed above freezing for first time in two weeks. Whoop! Whoop! its Spring time!

22. "My feet are freezing but I can't be bothered to move out of my bed and walk one step to get some socks because I'm too cozy."