Funny Tweets on Twitter

Okay fans its time for more funny tweets, I hope you all are enjoying these as much as I am.

I have to admit I borrowed one of these posts from my Facebook friends.

And an early apology to my Republican fans, some of these tweets target your party.

1. Ah, the evening odors from Chef Susan's kitchen...roasted tomatoes, chopped onions, sbraised fresh kale, her-roasted White House Chicken...no wonder I voted Democratic. If it was a Republican dinner, it'd be bitter and bloated.

2. Baby sitting and the ll year old has a touch screen Internet-enabled phone. Mine is basic and three years old. What is wrong with this picture?

3. "Why is it so hard to believe that men and women can be platonic friends. Jealousy is a sickness. Get well soon." *shaking my head*

4."Republicans have not created a balanced budget since Eisenhower."

5. "Good news: The Democrats are losing. Bad news: the Republicans are winning."

6. "Tony Romo is starting to implode just like the Republicans. Can't take the heat. Come on Philly , hit'em in the mouth."

7. "Things that can go to hell: below freezing temperatures, my insurance company, Republicans, the local job market, 22-day menstrual cycles."

8. "I would not mind a diagnosis of dementia if it meant I had been hiding cash for years and then forgetting it. Seriously we could use that cash."

9. "It's not a unibrow, it's a psoriasis wig."

10. "If nothing else, my children will leave home fully prepared to cuss out other drivers in traffic."

11. "I can think of no more apt metaphor for yesterday than the fact that I apparently wore my ugliest, most unflattering sweatpants - backwards."

12. "I dare to dream. I dream of a house with adequate insulation. Sorry, I'm too cold to come up with more interesting dreams."

13. "It's great that my children have learned to take turns. Projectile vomiting."

14. "I'm going to train this dog to bark any time someone says "Michael Vick."

15. "Michael Vick's hands: good for dog strangling, bad for hanging onto that pigskin."

16. "I can not believe I'm watching a second football game in three days. Hell must be freezing all over."

17. " Dear: below freezing weather... I hate you. Yours truly. Jamaican born hot blood woman."

18. "Just my opinion but football is dumb...line up go a few feet line up again go a few more feet ugg."

19. "Firemen so nice and impressive. Confirmed leak, shut off my gas supply, so no heat or hot water during the worst freeze in 50 years and snow. Windows open!"