Funny Tweets on Twitter, January 31, 2010

1. For all the times our beagle has chased and/or attempted to hump our cats, I'm actually a bit proud of whichever cat took a dump in his bed.

2. Just watched a Southern boy say (about burger): "It comes in your mouth like a flavor explosion!" We are now laughing our rears off.

3. Why do you always try to invite me over when you don't have cable. All you have is a vhs of the Temptations. The answer is hell no.

4. My 95 year old grandma just called Brett Favre a jackass and said he was overrated. Ouch grandma, that's my boy.

5. Kurt Warner will retire. Brett Favre says Jesus ain't done with him yet! Brett should know, he actually played with Jesus.

6. Freezing fog, snow on the ground, chunks of ice on the road, had me some Church. Its a Good Day in the neighborhood. WooHoo!

7. My baby just left me to go horseback riding in the snow! I think my dad is going for grandpa of the century!

8. Just got in from being out in the snow and my cheeks are numb. I'm not talking about the ones on my face.

9. Been working in the garden in the sun for the last three hours. Tales from tweeps in snow keep confusing me, then I remember it's January.

10. ObamaCare; Side affects include headache,delayed treatment, zero choice, sky high taxes and premature death.

11. Sometimes, my nerd daughter speaks eloquently on issues of the day. Other times, she howls after giving herself an especially severe wedgie.

12. If Sara Palin is presidential material then so is Osama Bin Laden and Rush Limbaugh. They all have hate in common.

13. Sometimes I don't want to answer my phone. If is not about money, leave me alone.

14. I give. Im going to freaking scream I feel useless.

15. I want to go up to a high point like a mountain or something, and scream as loud as I can.

16. If Bruce Willis doesn't sport a shaved head in his next blockbuster, I'm going to toss a large bucket of popcorn in the air and scream RAPE!

17. I'm annoyed at the dogs for barking but the snow caused the yard to become mud and I'm not wiping three sets of dog feet.