Funny New Year's Quotes: Humorous Messages for New Year's Eve & New Year's Resolutions

This collection of funny New Year's quotes is a great addition to your greeting cards, scrapbooks and albums. Enjoy a hearty laugh and enjoy these witty New Year's quotes by the old and the famous. Incorporate them to your New Year's Eve party and think about them when you make and break your New Year's resolution.

Funny New Year's Eve Quotes

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.- Bill Vaughn

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. - P.J. O'Rourke

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. ~Jay Leno

The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears. ~W.H. Auden

Funny New Year's Quotes

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. - Mark Twain

New Year's Day - Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain

It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - William Thomas

Funny New Year's Resolution Quotes

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. Unless a man starts on the strange assumption that he has never existed before, it is quite certain that he will never exist afterwards. Unless a man be born again, he shall by no means enter into the Kingdom. - G. K. Chesterton

Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever. - Mark Twain

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions. - Joey Adams

New year, same goal.- Joe King

But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year-old habits. - Andre Gide

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average... which means, you have met your New Year's resolution.- Jay Leno

Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.- Judith Crist

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me. - Anais Nin

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.- Oprah Winfrey

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.- Oscar Wilde

I'm a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser. - Robert Paul

One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things.- John Burroughs

Wishing you a very happy new year!

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