Funny New Year's Resolutions
Change Yourself for 2011
"More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users." Lower your chances of going to prison!
2) Brush Your Teeth with the Other Hand
Studies have shown that change is good for you so there is a potential that, if you brush your teeth with the other hand, you might become Einstein.
3) Instead of driving on the right side of the road all the time, swerve to the left every now and then.
Everyone needs excitement in their life.
4) Never listen to Ke$ha no matter what it takes
Believe me-ignoring those dreadful lyrics will do wonders for an IQ.
5) Abuse as many loopholes of the renewed tax brakes as possible
You get to save money and feel anarchistic at the same time!
6) Read and Watch Every Single Harry Potter Movie and Book Before Deathly Hallows: Part II Comes Out
Everyone loves Harry Potter and an increased knowledge of the boy wizard's world might just transform someone into a social butterfly. Either that or a book-reading recluse.
7) Spend Less Time Reliving the Past and More Worrying About the Future
Which is the lesser of two evils?
8) Save As Much Water as Possible By Taking less Baths, Using Hand Sanitizer Instead of Washing Hands, and Going to the Bathroom in the Backyard
This one would get a little tricky but imagine the money you could save.
9) Make Every Event of My Life Top Secret and Then Hope For Fame on Wikileaks
10) Buy a Vuvuzela and Bring it to the Workplace
There's nothing like the mind-numbing blast of one of these babies to bring a co-worker back to life. Also handy for getting kids out of bed.
11) Buy a Channel on Television, Make it All About You, and Call it "NWO"
If Oprah can do it, so can I.
12) Create the Coffee Party and Threaten to Take Over Congress By Winning a Handful of Seats
Nothing like a radical new party to incite fear into the people in congress.
13) Pop a Flintstone Vitamin Every Day
They are yummy and apparently nutritious, who would have thought?
14) Develop a British Accent
Jolly good show old bean!
15) Sit Down and Write a Real List of New Year's Resolutions
Published by Phillip Wachowiak
I'm a senior at Heritage High School and I try to stay pretty active writing and playing sports. Currently I am a two sport athlete playing lacrosse and wrestling. In other areas I am an Eagle Scout and an a... View profile
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