Gas Station No-No's

Who's unhappy about rising gas prices? Does anyone really relish the rapidly increasing cost of feeding an automotive engine? Fuel-injection is ejecting our funds!

Is it any wonder that people are already a bit pestered, as they pull up to the pumps? Do we grind our teeth more than our gears, when we see the fuel-tank indicator needle pointing to the left?

Disgruntled drivers need a delightful diversion! How can we make filling up more fun?

Even if we can't afford to purchase high-octane fuel anymore, here are ten sure-fire ways to create comical conflict and spark turbo-charged reactions from fellow drivers at the filling station:

Scare 'Em!

As you veer into the gas station, swerve as closely as you can to other vehicles. Zig-zag through the parking lot. Try to breeze right by pedestrians and those who are standing outside their cars.

Blare 'Em!

Offer your personal taste in music or talk radio with everyone around you, by turning your car stereo system up to its full capacity. Try to out-blast any competing cars' sound systems.

Dare 'Em!

Cruise right through a waiting line of vehicles to take a vacant spot at a gas pump. If others object, simply ignore them.

Impair 'Em!

If two or more pumps in a row are vacant, park your car at the first one, instead of pulling all the way forward, so you can block others from access to the others.

Stare 'Em!

While your gas pumps, stand outside your vehicle and conduct a loud cell-phone conversation. Turn and gaze directly at other customers, and make audible comments about them on the phone.

Child-Care 'Em!

Multi-task! Pump your gas, and yell at your children (in your car) at the same time. If you have only adult passengers, broadcast your dialogue for all to hear.

Wash-and-Wear 'Em!

Fill the window-washing squeegee with the provided fluid, and shake it wildly about you, soaking any spectators or bystanders. Just drop the squeegee on the ground when you're finished with it, preferably in an oil-drip puddle.

Smokey-the-Bear 'Em!

Light up a smoke right near the gas pumps. While you puff, dump your entire ashtray on the ground.

Anywear 'Em!

Toss trash on the ground, by the pumps, on the curb or wherever it may land.

No-Fair 'Em!

Leave your car by the pump, and go inside the station to pay for your gas, use the restroom and browse in the mini mart. When you finally do check out, try to pay with a pile of small change, instead of a credit card. Take your time counting your coins, and drop as many pennies on the floor as you can.

Any questions?