Gavin ~ Return to the Club

The sun was already rising over the horizon as I left the place. It was Gavins Companion who walked me to the tram. Waving goodbye to me as if he was an old friend and in a way I suppose he had become just that.

I thought often about the club and what I had seen over the following weeks and I heard my promise repeated in my own mind.

"I will come back soon."

The urge was there, but my fear was stronger. I am not sure what I did fear, surely it was not death in itself since I had so longed for it. Maybe it was the possibility of living that scared me more. Days past into weeks. After a while, I started having the feeling that I was being watched once the sun went down.

Eyes seemed to be everywhere. I had taken to going to church religiously. I had started attending Services regularly on every Wednesday and Sunday morning and evening. I was becoming fanatical.

I started feeling the strange sensation in church as well and I heard a voice inside my mind speaking to me.

"Do you really believe that I cannot enter the church? I love the architecture of churches. They are beautiful. But I must tell you honestly that these new ones are disappointing."

It was Gavins voice that was reaching me without question.

I looked around and saw the dark cloaked figure in the shadows looking up at me. He made no move, just stood there. Then as fast as he had appeared, he was gone again. I was starting to doubt my sanity.

Gradually the thoughts turned into dreams. Strange dreams, darkly erotic dreams, frightening in their intensity.

.

I would wake up in the middle of the night, sweat pouring over my body. Bruises appearing on places, I had been touched in my Dreams. Then the strangest dream of all came and I knew I had to return to the club and get the answers.

Still, it took more urging for me to react to what I knew had to be done. I stared reading everything I could get my hands on about Vampyres and Demons.

Soon I realized what Gavin had meant by "Hollywood mentality." I was guilty as charged. I was becoming obsessed with the subject.

Church soon wasn't a refuge for me either anymore, the blinds had been ripped down and I saw the followers for what they were. A group divided into two types of people. One Group, made up

by wolf in sheep clothing and the other hopeless followers, that used religion as an excuse to hide behind their inadequacies and problems.

To the hunters of the night or any other predator, the second type were simply victims. Their time already numbered. To me they had become as pathetic as I was in my own eyes.

Since Gavin had so brazenly entered the church and seemed without any problem in reading my thoughts in this supposedly holy place, one of the last misconceptions fell away. There was nowhere to hide and I would have to own up to my promise or drive myself insane.

One night my son woke out of a dream and called out to me. Panic-stricken he swore in panic that he had seen a stranger looking into his window. Staring at him as if he wished to come through the glass. That would not have been so remarkable, if we didn't live on the third floor and his window nowhere near a staircase. Still, I wrote it of to nightmares. The next night my daughters claimed the same vision. Even so it is usual for siblings to try to out due each other; this didn't seem to be the case here. Finally I asked them to describe the strange apparition.

Separately I took them into my room and each one in turn gave me the description which almost caused my heart to stop. Without any discrepancies in their tale they described Gavin, someone they had never met before.

During this time our phone had been disconnected. Finances had become as poor as my

Relationship with my estranged spouse. I was about to drift of to sleep, when ringing woke my senses fully. There was no doorbell and the TV was shut off. I walked through the apartment, listening for any sound. Nothing.

The ringing sounded again, clearly this time. It was the phone. I picked it up, spooked and confused. At first there was only a crackling sound on the other end, but soon a deep voice rang clearly through.

"You promised you would return and still I find myself waiting."

I slammed the receiver down and bit my lips to keep from screaming.

That night I knew that my feelings of being watched were eerie reality. I fell into a fitful slumber and again was attacked by strange dreams.

Maybe it was coincidence or maybe I was just glutton for punishment, but the night I had come full circle I decided to return to the club. Perhaps I was blood driven. I wore a red dress which would give the illusion of being either red or black depending on the way the light hit it. Somehow this illusion seemed important to me.

As on my first visit to the club, I arrived in downtown Portland around 11pm. This time however I got out on my former stop and traced my steps back to the club.

The harsh sounds of the young metal band greeted me at the door. The doorman from the last time was there again.

He looked up at me without any sign of surprise. Smiling he reached under the counter and

brought out long a slender box. Handing it to me, he said:

"The band will be done in 30min. You may wish to wait at the café around the corner, perhaps read the note."

I was perplexed. Was my dislike for the crude tones that obvious? What note was he referring to?

Still, without question I took the box and the advice.

I found the café very comfortable. I claimed a booth in a little corner and ordered a cup of cappuccino. The service was prompt and friendly without being pushy.

I took a drink and savored the wonderful aroma of the beverage with my eyes closed. At last I opened the box and found yet another long black stemmed rose inside. The edges of each petal were tinted red and I shuddered to think what, or should I say whom it had taken to tint them like that. The box was lined in silk, strangely reminiscent of a coffin. My mind was racing a million miles an hour.

Next to the bloom was a folded piece of old-fashioned parchment. The writing on it was in a flowing style that would take long years of practice.

"My beloved, at last you have returned. I have watched your struggles and gazed upon those that are so precious in your sight, I craved to be counted among those that hold that privilege. Your mind lay open for me like a well-loved book as you slumbered, and there at last I could be with you. But oh it pained me to know the way you feel about me and my kind. Why do you fear me when I wish you no harm? You seek knowledge and love above all else in life, and I in turn find myself with so much to offer you. I wish to tell you so many things and yet the words fail me that would convey that which is in my heart. I send you this black Rose as a sign of my love and affection. I will count the moments 'til the midnight hour."

The signature was a single red tear drop.

As I laid the note down and tore my eyes away from the writing, I was torn between being terrified and being overcome by such poetic words of devotion. My heart raced.

It was shortly after midnight when I descended the steps to the clubs dance area. The sounds and sight were overwhelming, there seemed to be more patrons present then the time before. I looked around the hall and let out a sigh of relief as I saw Andrew among a group of strangers. He looked paler then ever, but at least he was alive. He saw me and came to my side immediately.

"Lady Regina, you came back and still untouched. I don't understand. You are not of the court and you are not of us. Who or what are you? Still I tell you that you shouldn't be here. This place is for the dead. You are standing on a living graveyard."

He looked at me with great big eyes, imploring me to understand him, to listen to him. My mind screamed that this youngster was right and that in due time I would be like him or worst. Then what would become of my children? I was a mother after all, a mother without any to help in caring for her Young. I had no right to place myself in such danger, as I was doing now.

All these things and more shut through me, but suddenly the music stopped and the court arrived.

All thoughts seemed to vanish with their arrival. As before it was a grand entrance, worthy of a king of a foreign country. Andrew winced next to me and stood aside.

Gavin walked up to me and bowed. Straightening he placed his arm around me and pulled me toward the couch. There we were seated. The court found their seats around us and the nights' entertainment seemed to begin. Frank, as I found out was the name of his friend and companion, handed me a glass of the red wine I had tasted before. I took it thankfully and drank deeply.

Something laced the wine and I knew it. I relaxed visibly into Gavins Arm and sat there snuggled up against him. Strange visions danced their way across my mind and I knew I had to ask him many questions. I needed to find the answers to this puzzle.

I stood after a while and went to the dance floor trying to shake of the feeling of being dazed. The music was working its charm on me worst then any drug could do and I started to sway in total ecstasy. I spread my arms twirling, picturing myself weaving a pattern among the stars. I was in my personal heaven. If I had possessed wings in truth, I would have been able to fly for certain, yet still I found myself lifted into the air.

Gavin had come up behind me and grasped me, laughing deeply, lifted me into his arms. I was shocked; it was not natural for me to be lifted like a small child and held. I wanted to struggle, but instead just nestled closer to him. Holding on to him I pressed myself against his chest. He started dancing with me.

I wished it would never stop. The words he spoke on my last visit to the inner sanctum came gliding back to me.

I was in danger. This always had been one of my biggest regrets. That I was not tiny like so many other girls and there fore could never be carried in my lovers arms like that. Yet Gavin held me effortlessly as if I was a mere feather to him.

I turned my head to speak to him, but instead his lips came down on mine in a gentle kiss that took my breath away. His fangs were safely shielded.

The court crowded around us. Each with their chosen companion for the night and we retired to the sanctum. I was still in Gavins arms as he safely transported me to the destination.

In the sanctum he strode near the fireplace and lowered me to my feet in a shadowy corner. He backed me into the corner and with his cape barred us from view.

"Regina, don't fear me. I told you I mean you no harm."

I wanted to believe him, but with him standing over me, it was difficult. I was a trapped little animal staring up a t the big bad wolf. Somehow his eyes reminded me of the eyes of a wolf. There was hunger as primal in them as I had never in my days seen before or ever since then. All that and more went through my mind, and he in turn read every thought.

"Of course I hunger for you, would like to devour you. I would like to taste your blood, but I will

not. I want that and so much more. But right now I want you to reach up and undue my shirt, open it and lay my chest bare."

I looked at him with shocked eyes. Why did he want for me to strip him down, I wondered? I obeyed, my fingers shook as I did as I was bidden and my breath became shallow. I tried to avoid touching him, but that was not possible. He was like marble beneath the shirt. Cold and unbending.

On his chest hung a cross. Not like the one you would see everywhere these days, but an ancient cross, wrought Iron and heavy. It was large enough to cover the length of my palm.

I starred at it. It was beautiful, the craftsmanship exquisite beyond measure.

"That is what I wanted to show you. Place your palm beneath it and feel it."

I did so without hesitation and a vision flooded my mind. I would have fallen for sure, if I would have not been backed up against the wall.

I saw Gavin younger and dressed in Clothe of a different era. He reminded me of a clergy from the old world. On his side was a young woman, dressed demurely and holding a baby. Newborn if I could make it out correctly. Gavin and the woman seemed happy with each other; both loved the baby that was obvious for all to see.

I couldn't hear any words spoken, but it appeared as if Gavin had to leave and he bade his love goodbye, kissed the infant and walked away. I seemed to see his memory of that day now through his eyes, witnessing his day as he went throughout the parish. Gavin had been a priest.

At the end of the day he stopped in at the blacksmith and that was where he paid for the cross he was wearing now. He held it lovingly in his hand and with eager strides returned home. When he arrived at his place, he found his wife dead and his infant child mutilated. He fell to his knees and cradling them to him appeared to roar up to heaven.

He tore the collar of the robes and threw them away from him. Gavins face was a picture of agony and defeat. No, not defeat more pure and unadulterated hatred.

At that point the vision stopped and he spoke in soft tones.

"Those were my wife and son. I gave the blacksmith the design and instructions for the cross. It was meant to be a present to my infant son, but I was too late.

I was married once before and once before I had a babe and just as this time they too had been slaughtered in this vile fashion.

I did not want to believe back then that God would allow such a thing. I remember falling to my knees and praying for forgiveness, for deliverance and for everything good that I was not able to feel. I was in anguish and retreated from the world. Alone and confused. Slowly I started to serve God again and went about my parish, preaching his word and showing the word in action. At night I would bend my knee in my lonely chambers and pray to God to send me someone to love, to send me someone to fill this terrible void that was left behind.

I threw myself deeper and deeper into my calling and finally I received the answer to my prayer.

My second wife, beautiful, dutiful and loving. I was so happy when she told me that we would

have a child and thought that now again my life would be complete, only to have it torn away from me again.

This time I had enough; I craved revenge and turned my back on God. I walked my own path, having lost all faith in a God that did not care about those that serve him faithfully. I threw down my robes and bible, dressed in black the color of mourning and walked away from my home.

I never looked back, nor returned.

I wish I could tell you this great dramatic Story of how I turned Vampyre, but in truth it is beyond me. I simply just became. I know that I had turned my mind to revenge and I found within me a bloodlust that I had never known before. I killed and killed and killed, over and over again. That alone seemed to ease the pain I felt. To watch those unfortunate victims fall to their feet and die slowly. I made sure that I would not kill an innocent, never a child or mother. I did not judge by the crime that was committed, but by the reason behind the crime. Just because someone stole did not cause them to lose their innocence in my eye. If they stole food or clothing for their family because they had no other way to provide I saw no fault. Even the taking of a life I did excuse if they did it to defend themselves and those they loved. As you see maddened even as I was nothing was black and white. Not like the God I had served had made it.

Those that I found guilty however did find mercy in me. At first I killed by Sword, quick and clean. Soon that was not enough, I needed to feel their pulse race and feel their skin turn clammy.

I started to strangle them, slowly and deliberately. Forcing them to keep their eyes on me so they would see who took their lives, imagining each time that it was the merciless killer of my family

that was struggling in my grasp.

Then came the first fateful day when even that was not enough anymore. With a vicious snarl I bend down and ripped their lying throats out. I tasted the blood and drank as much as I could. Sickness flooded me and me wretched for hours, spewing the blood out as if purging myself from poison. I went into a delirium and strange dreams started to assault me. I dreamed of demons entering my body, becoming part of me, consuming me. Days passed and so did the fever. I was better again and now found myself needing to drink blood. I was by no means a choice, but a physical necessity for me to survive. That was also when I quit aging. I was doomed to live and in a perverse way it was just punishment for those murders I had committed."

He grew silent and stood there for a moment, looking out into the darkness of the corner, struggling with something deep inside.

Then he began to speak again as if this time he was in a confessional and me the priest.

"The worst of it all is not the taking of blood or the killing, but the loneliness that comes with it. Even here among my kindred I'm lonely. I have lost the lust for the kill. I can walk in the sun like every other human, but I prefer the cover of the night. I haven't seen the sun in years. The other developments and gifts came over time as well. You have many of them and understand the meaning of them.

I can link into the minds of those I care to and project what I wish them to see. I travel in my spirit and manipulate the elements to a point. That and many more are my gifts. I studied throughout the ages, honed my gifts, and refined them."

At this he laughed sorrowfully.

"Oh yes I have become a lonely beast of wisdom and refinement. I can buy whatever I wish; own whatever I desire and through my appearance choose my victims and have them willing to receive my kiss of death, yet all that means little.

I have not forgotten what it means to hold and be held, not empty but with love. What it means to gaze upon your sleeping child and know that this little piece of heaven needs you. To engage in a good-natured argument simply for the joy of it. I yearn to be respected and loved, not envied and feared.

That is the worst of it. Those that I wish to know and care for and they care for me, fear me and rightly so. They shudder at my approach and do not wish to be near me, but I do not have the choice anymore. Oh do not misunderstand my words' beloved, in time I too will die. Nothing in life comes without a price and I do pay my price most heavy. Am I Vampyre or Devil? You choose for I cannot. Did you know that there are more Vampyre on this earth then many would count and most do not even know they are? It is neither the kill nor the taking of the blood that makes you Vampyre, but the taking of the essence, be it blood, positive energy or life force without the choice of the victim that makes us thus."

I placed my hand gently on his chest, feeling his pain in the way of the empath, which is one of my gifts. One I have possessed since I was young. My heart was breaking for him.

"Speak no more Gavin, you are overtired now."

At that he gave a shallow laugh.

"I can sleep for longer most will dream. My time is without limits as of yet."

Tears were flowing over my cheeks, silent Tears, tears of sorrow, not for me but for him, for his victims, for his Families.

"Why did you show me this Gavin?" I asked after I redid his shirt for him.

The answer came without hesitation.

"I wanted you to understand. Not just see the kill, or see what is portrait in movies and tales of horror. I wanted you to see me, the person I was not the monster I have become."

I thought for long silent moments on that, quietly standing in the shelter of his cloak.

He led me to one of the loveseats and pushed me gently on its cushions. Reaching for a glass of red wine, he handed it to me.

As I drank, he began to speak again, this time his voice did not reflect any of the earlier pain, but was steady and gentle.

"You too are different then most and you know it. You have felt it ever since you were a child, but you do not know what makes you so. You feel deeply the pains and hurts of those around you. Walls break down when you are there, and those that would stay close open up to your warmth. Where I bring death, you bring life. I end the sorrow and you heal it at the cost of your own heart and soul. Often Tears silently and full of sorrow flow down your face and wash away the pain of others. You cry for them, because they have no more tears to give. You give your love freely and warm them. That is what I desire from you most of all. Are you strong enough to get to know me, spend time with me and warm me the way you warm others?"

My eyes grew larger and I pondered his Words. Yes, I did know that I was different and be cried that fact often. "Not by my choosing", his words echoed through me. I understand my friend I thought, I am not whatever I am by my choosing either. Millions of thoughts raced through my mind, chasing each other like playful children, cluttering my mind all at the same time. I was in wonder of what I had heard only moments before and marveled at the illusions. I needed time to digest it all. I knew that and I need that time away from him and his hypnotic qualities.

There was no more doubt in my mind that Gavin was able to read my mind and I didn't mind the intrusion, having nothing to hide.

He shifted uncomfortably next to me, as if he too had a battle to fight deep within.

"Have I lost you too beloved, even as a Friend? Was I too honest with you?"

His voice reminded me strangely of my sons when he was unsure of himself or fancied himself in trouble for some kind of mischief he had thought fun only moments before. My heart melted at the sound of it.

"Strange how I collect the ones with broken wings. Was that my purpose is in life, to mend them so that they might fly again? You call me beloved, but you don't even know what love is anymore. "The thoughts crossed my mind sadly.

"No, you have not lost a Friend in me, but it is too much for me at this moment. I don't know what to think and need time to sort my thoughts. I need to get away, from you and from this. Please let me leave. I promise I will return to you again and this time you will not have to wait so long."

I looked deep into his eyes, willing him to see my heart and my soul, perhaps willing him to seek the truth in my words. I don't know what all I wished him to see, but he had to see that my words were not empty as those of many. I wanted him to rest assured.

Gavin gazed at me, waiting, wondering, lost.

He had made his decision and took my face into his hands as he spoke urgently to me.

"You will go in a few moments then, but you must trust me first to do this. It is for both of our safety. When the time is right, you must let your head roll back in ecstasy, close your eyes and force your breathing shallow and then let your body fall. I will catch you and take you out of here. I will send you a choker, which you must wear around your neck the next time you come here. Never take it off in the club or if you walk around Portland. Promise me that as well."

I did not understand what was so important about all that or what he was planning on doing, but I agreed and promised him the favor as well. I should have feared him and not given him my trust so blindly, but something inside of him and his honesty caused me to trust him more then most I met.

He lowered his head to my neck and I could feel the slight touch of his tongue against my pulse. I heard his sharp intake of breath as he licked at my skin. His hand came up on my neck and I forced myself to remain calm. Then the sharp pain followed which I recognized as the armor on his finger. It pierced my flesh and I could feel a thin stream of blood tripling down my neck. It wasn't deep I knew that and I could hear the soft growl deep inside his throat. He whispered into my ears.

"Do you know how hard it is not to take you right now? I can smell your excitement and your fear. I can sense you tensing under me and I can hear your heart pounding away in your chest. You try to force your breathing to go shallow, but all you achieve is your breathing to become faster and more labored. You feel the adrenaline pumping through your heart and body.

Don't worry beloved, I will not harm you in any way."

I heard his words and strangely enough they calmed my senses and I let my head roll back and I heard him roar in satisfaction above me. I closed my eyes and went slack.

One of his companions came over and offered to clean up for him, but Gavin remarked that this would be his privilege; he wanted to know where to find me in the future, since he had plans for me.

Gavin lifted me as if I was made of air and carried me out of the sanctuary, my head resting on his shoulder and near his mouth.

"Don't move my beloved, not until I tell you that you can. Keep your eyes closed and trust in me."

I did and when I was finally told to open my eyes and found myself only a couple of short blocks away from my house. Gavin was nowhere to be seen.

I was shook up, but glad to be near home. As before, time had stood still for me and the sun was coming up over the horizon.

I went home and gratefully got into my bed.

I heard a voice gently speaking into my ears as I drifted of to sleep.

"I am waiting for you in the shadows if you need me, just call my name. Good night my beloved."

I reached up to my neck and felt the small puncture wounds. I didn't bother to look around; I knew I wouldn't see anything. Slowly I sank into a deep deathlike slumber.