Gay and Gray

There is the continuing myth among less knowledgeable critics that gay and lesbian life is all about youth and beauty and carefree sexual; adventures. Especially worrisome is the notion that the process of aging is anathema. For proof, one can fall back on two works of fiction, Thomas Mann's Death in Venice, and Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray. There is no doubt that, among some gays and lesbians, getting older, finding wrinkles and bulges where once there were none, losing hair on top and gaining some in ears has created a stigma. For some that stigma is being ignored in favor of someone younger. This is not strictly a homosexual situation. But, somehow, for some the hurt is greater.

Finally, however, the aging problem for gays and lesbians and transgenders is being recognized: "Aging poses particular problems for members of the nation's lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender, or LGBT, community. Compared with heterosexual counterparts, many more of them are socially isolated, fear discrimination from health-care providers, live alone, and don't have children or other close relatives to call upon for help" (Anderson 2008 para. 1). There is another stigmas attached, according to a survey and study of older gays and lesbians, namely, discrimination. Here is an example of that survey's findings: "26 percent were concerned about discrimination and 20 percent "have little or no confidence that they will be treated with dignity and respect as an LGBT person by their health-care professionals" in old age and at the end of their lives" (Anderson 2008 para. 10).

It is important to recognize the growing number of older gays and lesbians. "Social service workers are becoming increasingly aware that there exists a large population of older gay and lesbian individuals. Estimates range from 1.75 to 3.5 million older gay men and lesbians in the United States. To put these figures in perspective, this is approximately equal to or two times greater than the number of older adults living in a nursing home setting" (Woolf 1998 para. 1).

While younger gays and lesbians and transgenders seem more open about their sexuality, the older gay population is literally feeling a need to hide their sexuality due to health care discrimination. "After a lifetime of openness about their sexuality, lesbians and gay men face a new enemy: their age. Despite spending decades being out and proud, many older lesbians and gay men are having to hide their sexuality when they need care" (Sale 2002 p. 30). And there seems to be sufficient evidence from the reactions in interviews and research that many gay seniors are being forced back into the closet because they fear homophobic reactions from care staff and other service users if they come out.

Because estimates now claim that by 20930 one out of every five Americans will be 65 or older, there are efforts to establish some sort or organized help for aging gays. Here is one such organization: "Groups like SAGE, the oldest organization of its kind, work to ensure that gay seniors have access to the same services and protection as their hetero counterparts, whether that means training government-sponsored senior homes in cultural competency or establishing specific services for LGBT seniors" (Dailey 2008 p. 28).

Even as attention is being paid to the potential problems of aging for gays and lesbians, little constructive is actually being done. It is just compiling facts and figures and shrugging shoulders for the most part. Again, here is proof that the facts of discrimination are openly discussed and visible to any and all as long as ten years ago: "The report found that while gay and lesbian seniors face an increased risk of poverty because they are currently prohibited from receiving spousal pensions, women are at an added disadvantage because they earn significantly less than men" (McKee 1999 p. 9).

If there is one thing that heterosexual seniors can often count on it is help from family, children and siblings, as well as organizations (often sponsored by religious foundations) that specialize in so-called "eldercare." However, since so many gays and lesbians are ostracized from their younger ages, when they came out to family and friends, when there was (and to some degree still is) employment discrimination, the help and support- emotional as well as medical and psychological, is far less evident for older gays. In other words, just as Hawthorne's Hester Prynne spent a life with that red A on her forehead, senior gays and lesbians and transgenders have the same sort of stigma concerning their sexual orientation. While Hester was fiction, gay seniors' plight in aging is quite real.

Interestingly enough, a recent survey finds that lesbians tend to be far less concerned or worried or anxious about aging than their gay male counterparts: "Gay men associate primarily negative and gloomy meanings to future, strongly influenced by cultural myths of 'the miserable, bitter, old man.' Lesbian women associate more positive meanings to future, and their perceived future relies much more on heteronormative models of family and children" (Goltz 2009 p. 561).

The question here, of course is, what do these women mean by "positive"? As we have seen in previous citations, there are still many women whop fear being discriminated against due to their sexual preferences. And, as has been shown, the fact that women tend to earn less than men (regardless of sexual orientation) does make it more likely for lesbians to be at or near poverty levels when they are no longer able to work and earn a decent wage.

There is, of course, an additional stigma, over and above the one of being dismissed for being old and unattractive. That is the basic stigma which many gays and lesbians face (some successfully, some not) of being gay, which means being someh9ow "different" and often "unacceptable by "normal" society. "Many of the negative results of being a gay man or lesbian on aging can be related to the negative aspects of being gay or lesbian at any point across the lifespan. For example, individuals who believe the negative stereotypes about gays or lesbians have a more difficult time adjusting to their own homosexual orientation. This is true for older gay men and lesbians, as well" (Woolf 1998 para. 8).

The very notion of "stigma" is something that is difficult to eliminate. Even as more and more young gays and lesbians "come out" and there seems to be a more lenient attitude, acceptance if not forgiveness, nevertheless many gays and lesbians continue to be recognized as somehow being "different." It is not merely sexual preference. It may be a total life-style. There continues, also, to be the stigma of appearance: the very "butch" lesbian and the very "effeminate" male gay. One may be more forgiving for this "butch" stereotype when it comes to female athletes. Billie Jean King comes readily to mind as an over-achiever in professional tennis, even as there were "suspicions" about locker room shenanigans in ladies tennis and golf. There seems to be more acceptance of gay and lesbians in show business (i.e, Ellen deGeneres).

But, it is not appearance of professional aptitude that can cause several problems in aging, especially when it requires that an older gay or lesbian must be confined to a long-term facility. It is fair to ask- what happens to the home? How can a partner (if any) be permitted to handle affairs, and even come to visit in facilities where "family only" is considered a priority? "State laws vary when it comes to the question of what happens to the home of a LGBT couple when one partner goes into a nursing facility. In some locales, for instance, liens can be filed against the house for recovery of any Medicaid expenses" (Gittleman 2007 para. 18).

There are so many complex issues concerning health, income, financial and moral support, psychological help among others that require more research and answers. In a way, the aging gay and lesbian population is perhaps one of the most forgotten and ill-regarded group of seniors. "The problem of housing and health care for aging gays and lesbians is an important, under-researched, under-talked about subject that demands attention. In part, the immediate crisis of AIDS has overshadowed social concern for this aging population, both in the community at large and within organized gay and lesbian groups" (Friedman 1997 p. 27).

The problems of aging are not limited, of course, to gays and lesbians. But, perhaps more than any other group, they are burdened with finger pointing, exclusionary tactics, even physical assaults as well as discrimination in employment, marriage or legal adoptions; not to mention discrimination from their own, far younger hedonistic peers.

All seniors sometimes feel alienation from younger and perhaps more active people. However, as has been cited above, seniors who are heterosexual and have families (children, grandchildren, even willing and able siblings) to comfort them in times of emotional or physical stress and pain, many senior gays and lesbians miss out on this family assistance. Vituperative straights see homosexuals as harbingers of AIDS and HIV. Elderly gays and lesbians no longer tend to worry about such infections but rather about dementia and Alzheimer's - drifting into nothingness with no legal or family support.

The social activities- sexual and even predatory- that some gays and lesbians might indulge in during their youth- have faded into distant memory. Loneliness now becomes the stigma, with some uncaring person surely reminding the aging gay or lesbian that, had he or she been "normal" and had a family, all this suffering could have been avoided.

There is some hope, now, for the aging gay population: an effort for assisted living and retirement communities for gays and lesbians are being developed. So, while aging and perhaps ill health cannot be avoided, loneliness may become a thing of the past as care-givers and community activists make certain that senior lesbians and gays are treated with compassion and respect. Perhaps one day in the near future the combined stigma of aging and frailty and sexual orientation will disappear.

References:

Anderson, L. (2008): "Aging more complicated for gays, lesbians"

Chicago IL,: Chicago Tribune, Oct 20, 2008 P. NA

Dailey, K. (2008): "Aging in America: forget canasta-senior

citizens are having sex just like the rest of us. But

until gay groups like SAGE came around, no one ever

talked to them about it" The Advocate (The national gay

lesbian newsmagazine) 1012 (August 12, 2008): p28

Friedman, Dr. E.(1997): "Gay and Gray: The Older Homosexual Man"

Lambda Book Report 5.n10 (April 1997): pp27

Gittleman, N. (2007): "Aging lesbians and gays face

extra burdens" Between The Lines News 11/1/2007 Issue 1544

retrieved April 11, 2009 on

www.pridesource.com/article.shtml?article=27763

Goltz, D. (2009): "Investigating QueerFuture Meanings:

Destructive Perceptionsof 'The Harder Path'"

Thousand Oaks:Qualitative Inquiry. Mar 2009.

Vol. 15, Iss. 3; pg. 561

McKee, V. (1999): "Seniors survey identifies double

discrimination for senior lesbians" Herizons13.1

(Spring 1999): p9.

Sale, A. U. (2002): "Back in the closet.(aging gays)

Community Care, May 30, 2002 p30

Woolf, L. (1998): "Gay and Lesbian Aging" retrieved April 11,

2009 on www.webster.edu/~woolflm/oldergay.html