Gay Man's Single Files V: Hate in the Unlikliest of Places

A little over three years ago, I suddenly found myself single and forty-something. I'd met my ex when I was in my early twenties and we were together for 20 years thereafter, so I was a little out of practice at being single, not to mention that the dating landscape had changed so much since 1987. The physical places where you could meet people had become scarce and these days the primary medium for socialization has become the Internet.

During these past three years, I've encountered all sorts of people, from online weirdoes to stalkers and even some nice guys. I use this series as a means to chronicle some of the more notable things I've come across in my quest to meet people and possibly find the next Mr. Right. It's been awhile since I've revisited this series, and this is one I've had on the burner for awhile.

I'd like to preface the story by saying that I abhor prejudice of any kind. I believe that deep down inside, we're all just people, struggling with the problems in our own lives based upon our own circumstances. Race, ethnicity or color is just a matter of genetics and these circumstances don't necessarily make us any different from one another. I've said before that there are good and bad in all kinds of people and to paint all people of similar backgrounds with a broad brush is simply wrong.

Having said this, I find it even more disturbing when someone who falls within a minority group harbors equally disturbing prejudices and stereotypes of other groups. I believe that part of the reason my outlook is such is due to the fact that I belong to a minority group. Being gay and having seen all of the hatred and prejudice against my kind has taught me such.

A couple of years ago, I came across a young gay man in an online chat room. He called himself Yeled Shateni, and he was a descendent of Argentinean Jews. He was 25 years old, lived in Florida and invited me to chat. What started out as a pleasant enough conversation turned really ugly, and though it didn't really teach me anything about being gay and single, I did learn that intolerance exists in all kinds of people, even the young and the gay.

The conversation started off well enough. Yeled and I chatted pleasantly for about twenty minutes on all kinds of things: work, music, TV, etc. Suddenly, things changed when he asked me a question out of the blue:

"What do you think of the Israeli-Palestinian situation?"

I was a little taken aback by the question. Politics had not been one of the topics of our conversation to that point and it never usually was in such chat room conversations. I answered honestly:

"I don't pay too much attention to it with all that goes on here, but I'd say that I can see both sides of the situation."

That was all I needed to say. The conversation took a sudden turn, as Yeled began a furious tirade on his keyboard, spewing point after point in rapid-fire succession about how the Jews have been wronged and the Palestinians were evil. I hardly had the chance to get a word in edgewise. The conversation became even more contentious as he turned his vitriol towards African Americans:

Yeled: It is a fact that black people are only 12% of the population but 37% of welfare recipients and 51% of violent criminals someone else's fault (typical excuse, blame somebody else).

Me: Itsounds like you don't like African Americans.

Then he really got going. It was really hard to grasp all of the gibberish he was typing:

Yeled:There should be an agency Me: to MONITOR Me: and I mean monitor Me: as in watch Me: not legislate Me: not to tell banks or financial institutions what to do Me: to make sure nobody is breaking the law Me: but I'd rather the markets flow then my hard earned money go to lazy n*****s with 20 kids Me: or is the fact that black people are only 12% of the population but 37% of welfare recipients and 51% of violent criminals

Me:Yikes man!

Yeled:Tell me where I lied......

Me:You are generalizing blacks like you think people generalize Jews.

Yeled:Generalizing? Show me a statistic about Jews........I proved a fact. You can look up welfare and crime statistics yourself. I'm 100% sure you can't show me statistics proving stereotypes about Jews.

Me:I don't believe crime statistics. There are a lot of variables that go into that. I base my views only on my own personal experience.

Yeled: So you're saying that black people are not the majority of violent criminals?

With that, he proceeded to get personal.

Yeled:Bro you are pretty stupid, or you're just ignorant. No wonder education is so bad in this country if people like you are teaching the children.

Me:Dude, you've got a lot to learn about holding an adult conversation.

He just continued:

Yeled: You can't even admitthat black people make up higher percentage of criminals then they do make up the general population.

Me: Gee, do you think there might be a reason for that?

Yeled:You can't even admit it that is true, so please explain to me how you're not ignorant. Even if black people we're only 13% of violent criminals, they would still be morethan their share of the population who were violent criminals, because both 51% and 13% are greater than 12%. I know that is probably hard for you to understand.

I know at that point I should've halted the conversation, but it was just one of those situations where my blood was boiling and I couldn't turn away just yet.

Me: So what do you think, it's in their blood?

Yeled:Too many big numbers, right?

Me: Wow dude, I don't get you.

Yeled:Man, I'm scared. I always wondered why education was so bad in this country. Now I've completely come to understand. It's people like you teaching our children.

Me:Wow,you are ignorant.

Yeled:Ignorant? At least I know.

Me: Youonly see things from your own perspective. You see people as all different from one another. Dude, we're all born and we're all gonna die.

Yeled:You're an idiot.

I thanked him, sarcastically.

Yeled:I'm glad our nation has such retards as you teaching our children.

Me: Thanks again.

Yeled: No wonder you're 44 and single. You're a mean man.

Me: Have you noticed that I haven't insulted you once.

And so it continued for another few minutes or so. Yeled got even more and more personal with his insults, calling me ugly and old, and a n****r-lover, stupid, blah, blah, blah. I told him he was a racist. He acknowledged that, and then tried to justify it.

Yeled: I'm aware I'm racist. You act like I should be insulted. Whats wrong with being racist? Black people are the most racist. I can only hope to be as racist as they are one day. So tell me, why don't you have a black boyfriend? I hope you die of AIDS.

By then I'd had enough. I began to end the conversation, realizing that trying to convince this young man of anything was futile.

Me:I have a strong feeling you're gonna be single when you're my age. Dude....I don't know what the heck happened here. You started out so nice and then...you start insulting me like crazy....don't be a hater...man.

He then proceeded to send me a link to a disgusting photo of a black man.

Yeled:I found your new boyfriend.

I was done. After being restrained for so long, thinking I could impart some tolerance in the guy, but it was all for naught. I finally threw him an insult and told him to have a nice, angry life.

I hope Yeled is somewhere out there, reading this and seeing what kind of idiot he really is. The fact that he's gay and Jewish would ordinarily suggest that he'd be a little more tolerant of other minority groups. It just goes to show you that it takes all kinds to make up a world and some people you just can't help. All you can do is stay away.

For previous installments in this series, check these out:

Gay Man's Single Files I: Slim Pickins

Gay Man's Single Files II: Things Just Ain't the Same

Gay Man's Single Files III: Dating Websites

Gay Man's Single Files IV: Online Weirdoes