General Tourist Etiquette in Mexico

When we moved to Mexico, the issue that troubled us most was accidentally making some cultural blunder. We were afraid we would do something to offend everyone we met. You can only read so much material on culture. What if you do something your research material did not cover? You don't want to offend the people you hope will let you live among them.

I think we are over this worry after living here for a while. We managed to learn some cultural guidelines that can steer a fledgling expatriate in the right direction. You will find some exceptions to these generalizations. Some of the younger-generation Mexicans ignore some of these old-time cultural principles while the traditionalists do not. My wife and I prefer the traditionalists' position on customs and culture.

You will notice that Mexicans are a kissing bunch of people. You will see this most often when they greet each other and when saying goodbye. At first, we were unsure how to handle this custom. Just who kisses and who does not? What is the rule if one exists?

When meeting a man or woman for the first time, you shake hands. Just as it used to be in the United States, you shake hands with a woman if she offers her hand to you first. Otherwise, you bow slightly and say, "Pleased to meet you".

The greeting kiss comes when good friends greet each other or say goodbye. Women will kiss women, men and women will kiss, but men rarely kiss other men. People kiss each other on the cheek or press their cheeks together and kiss the air. What defines good friends is open for debate.

I have been in circumstances where women have kissed me on the first introduction. I have shaken hands on the first introduction then we kiss on every other meeting. So, does that mean I became a good friend sometime between the first and second meetings? I don't know. As a male, I never initiate the kiss unless the woman is an old friend.

Men, thankfully, do not kiss each another. Good friends hug each other. Acquaintances shake hands. Let your Mexican friend or acquaintance initiate the contact.

Do not use first names with Mexicans until you are asked to do so. When we began renting our present home, we used the formal "Usted" with our landlady and called her "Señora (her last name)" when addressing her. After a month or so, she insisted that we call her by her first name and that we use the informal "tu" when addressing her. Wait for others to give you permission to call them by their first names and use the "tu" form to address them.

There are people with whom you will probably never be on a first name basis and with whom you will always use the formal "Usted". Our landlady's son, a dentist, is always referred to as "Doctor". He lives right next door to us, is our age or a bit younger, and uses the "tu" form when addressing each of us. However, he has not given us permission to use the "tu" form with him. Therefore, we call him "Doctor" and use the "Usted" form.

Interestingly, our landlady's daughters-in-law always call her "Doña (her first name)" and use the formal "Usted" with her.

If a person has a bachelor's degree from a university, you address him or her as "Licenciado" or "Licenciada" and then the last name. However, if a person is a doctor, lawyer, architect, teacher, or professor, you address him or her by title (Doctor, Abogado, Arquitecto, Maestro, or Professor) and last name. In the Mexican social hierarchy, these people have high rank and you are to afford them with much respect. In addition, plumbers, carpenters, electricians, and those in other professions requiring much training and skill are addressed as "Maestro" followed by the last name.

When someone invites you to a party or other event, shake the hand of each person (or kiss those who are good friends). Do this as well when you leave. If you neglect to do this, you will offend those whom you do not personally greet.

After getting past the greeting stage of an encounter, you want to be careful not to commit conversational boo-boos. Do not use the word "Indio" (Indian). It is derogatory. Do not ask a person what percentage of Indian blood he has. Mexicans are proud of their country's Indian heritage, but they consider the indigenous people beneath them and only claim pure Spanish blood.

If you see a Mexican male holding the arm of another male while the two are conversing, don't take offense. A man may touch another man on the arm or shoulder as an expression of close friendship. Don't recoil from the contact. To do so would be offensive. Shed your silly American connotations of male-to-male touching and realize that men can express affection for each other without any sexual overtones.

Women also touch each other often when talking or walking together. We have seen many women and girls walking arm-in-arm, walking with their arms around each other's shoulders, and even walking hand-in-hand. There is nothing sexual in these gestures. They are merely expressions of friendship.

When Mexicans meet on the street and stop to have a conversation, you will notice that they stand close to each other. Americans are protective of their personal space and want to put some distance between themselves and others. If you meet a Mexican friend or acquaintance on the street and stop for a conversation, don't back away when the other person stands closer than you like. To back away would give the impression that you don't want to be close to your friend and would be offensive.

If you ask a Mexican, "How's it going?" and it has not been going well, he will not answer, "Fine, thanks." as we Americans are programmed to do. Instead, he will tell you that events in his life are not fine and will give you the details. Mexicans in general don't hide their feelings as Americans do. Mexicans regard Americans who hide their feelings as uncaring. Perhaps if Americans would assimilate this custom, they could decrease their Prozac and psychiatrist bills.

For the first few weeks in our new neighborhood, we would hear a hissing noise every time we walked down a certain section of the street. We would stop, look around, but see nothing. Finally, we noticed the door of one house was standing open. It was dark inside so we couldn't see anything. Suddenly, an older woman popped out, hissing and gesturing for us to come over. She had seen us walking by several times and wanted to meet us. This hissing noise is a common way to get someone's attention and is not rude.