Gentlemen, Start Your Manners!

Wouldn't it be great to get a free swing every time you were at bat? That kind of advantage could translate into the game-winning run. Practicing good manners gives you such an advantage by creating a comfortable space between others and you. Because you are showing the respect of good manners, people will be more willing to listen to your ideas and requests. Business lunches will turn into contract negotiations, and romantic dinners will melt into dessert.

Think about the following:

- Do you immediately say the first thing that comes to your mind?
- Do you have moments in a group that suddenly become awkward?
- Do you go on a lot of first dates or meetings that go nowhere?
- Does constant nagging from your wife or girlfriend frustrate you?
- Do you feel anxiety at an upscale restaurant or social event?
- Do you love to tell a good potty joke?
- Do you receive a lot of negative attention?

If you answered yes to many of the questions above, your manners need work. A lifetime of bad habits won't change overnight, but you can make slow progress as you change your manners mindset. If it doesn't seem natural, don't force it. Good manners should feel good.

Balls vs. Elegance
Practicing good manners does not require checking your balls at the door. Balls are designed to be in the background... you want to know they are there, but you don't necessarily want to see them. Balls may win an extreme cagefight, but elegance will leave with the ring girl. Balls will get you in the door, but elegance will get you invited back. You need both.

Traditional Manners
It helps to understand that many of the traditional manners have a practical origin. For example, men used to be seated facing the door so that in the event of an attack, they could defend the female. Today, women still want to feel valued and protected. This could mean opening a heavy door or helping with packages. Men are technically supposed to go before women through revolving doors in case the doors become stuck.

You only need to open the passenger car door for a woman if you are getting into the car. She can let herself out. Always open the door when entering a taxi and take the seat that will allow you to open the door at your destination. When walking on the sidewalk, the man should be on the traffic side. Practice gracefully switching sides as you walk through city blocks.

When picking up a date, remember that women take great care in preparing to see you. If you are going to be more than fifteen minutes late, you must call or text. Never arrive early or stop by unexpectedly. If your date still has rollers in her hair when you arrive, take a comfortable seat and busy yourself with something. Do not follow her throughout the house or yell to her from the other room. Be patient and remember that it is you she is striving to please.

Car trips should be a pleasant, stress-free experience. When driving, always obey traffic laws including wearing your seat belt. Tailgating, speeding and aggressive driving create tension and fear. You may be the next Helio Castroneves driving a car with mind-blowing torque, but remember that your passenger trusts you with their safety. Never let your gas tank empty warning light come on, especially in a remote area.

Table Manners
The Rat Pack standard "They Can't Take That Away from Me" contains the lines "the way you hold your knife... the way you sip your tea". Gershwin includes table manners in the list of unforgettable things about his love! It is the small, everyday things that stick in the mind of someone close to you, both positively and negatively.

Dining should feel like a Barry White song. You are probably paying big bucks for the experience, so focus on your fellow diners and do not allow yourself to be rushed. When the server arrives, listen to the specials and picture the food in your mind. Never say, "Raw fish makes me sick" or "That sounds horrible." Never stack plates when you have finished a course. This indicates that you are not used to great service and do not expect it.

The only way a dining companion should know that you are eating is when they see the food slip into your slightly opened mouth. This means no smacking or slurping. Smacking occurs when you tense up your lips, open your mouth, and the saliva makes a sharp noise. Despite this description, it is not sexy. Slurping is often in response to a hot beverage or soup. A better alternative would be to stir the liquid until it becomes cool enough to eat or drink silently. Never suck on your teeth or pick at them with your fingers. Use a toothpick or, better yet, excuse yourself to the men's room and do your grooming. Before you leave the men's room, wash your hands. Think of washing your hands as a luxury and enjoy it.

If you are on a date with your wife or girlfriend, always acknowledge when she returns to the dining table. You don't need to exaggerate by standing up and pushing back your chair, simply pause your conversation if there are others at the table and make eye contact with your date as she sits down. Be aware of turning your back to her for too long. Respect those dining around you by keeping your voice low and your kisses brief. If diners at more than one table turn to look at you simultaneously, you are being inappropriate.

Party Manners
Social events are a manners minefield. Your goal is to make sure that every person in the room (including your date, if applicable) leaves with a good impression of you. Avoid these common faux pas:

- Addressing women you do not know with false endearments (i.e. baby, sweetie, honey, etc). Use "Miss" if you must add something to "Excuse me."
- Staring at a woman's breasts or mouth during a conversation. As difficult as it may be, maintain eye contact and avoid prolonged touching. A woman should never have to shrink from you.
- Sitting away from the group with your legs or arms crossed. Even if you are not comfortable initiating conversations, you can stand with beautiful posture and positive energy. Channel George Clooney without the smirk.
- Pointing out imperfections or teasing. Never, ever call attention to something that might hurt another's feelings. (i.e. stains, blemishes, body type, odor, clothing, etc.)

When you are introduced to a woman, pick up on her inclination to shake your hand or offer a cheek kiss. If her body language is closed, simply nod, smile and say a firm, "Hello, I'm (your name)." Do not say, "And you are?" if she does not offer her name. Chances are you will not remember her name and will have to admit that at some point in the evening.

Be prepared to have a polite conversation. As you read through the daily paper or watch the news, make a mental note of non-controversial topics that you find interesting. Ask questions like, "How did you meet (the host or hostess)?" Give a sincere compliment if you have one. Talk about quirky places you have visited or want to visit. Most importantly, really listen to what others are saying and do not interrupt. Consciously soften your face and breathe.

Always bring something to a party. If you bring wine, do not open it unless you are asked. If you bring flowers, offer to put them in water. If you know your host has a pet, bring a pet toy. Always remove price tags from gifts. Find your host or hostess as you leave and say a simple "thank you".

Sexual Manners
Bad manners can extend to the bedroom. Rule number one... keep it clean! When a woman lies down on your sheets, she should never be distracted by a musty smell or grittiness. All the work it took to get her here, and now you are grossing her out? The same goes for the bathroom. Ask if the room temperature is comfortable before you see her shivering or sweating.

Before you begin a sexual relationship, have a conversation about birth control. Don't assume that she is taking care of it. She may shock you with, "Oh, I don't like to put those chemicals in my body!" Protect your health and your future. You should use a condom every time without being asked, but it is still important to understand your partner's position on birth control.

If you are already in a sexual relationship, keep communicating. If you try something new, ask, "Is this OK?" Tell her if you are not feeling well or are having a cramp. Never let a woman use her imagination to determine what is wrong.

A great way to spice up your love life is to surprise her with a gift of lingerie. Take a full-length (clothed!) photo of your wife or girlfriend to the shop and ask for help. You pick out the style, and the sales person will help you with the size. Select something fun with bows or ties and multiple layers to play with. Do not purposefully rip lingerie unless you bought it.

The Reward
Minding your manners encourages others to become comfortable with you. In personal and business relationships, people will begin to treat you differently as a result of your new attitude. When you become aware of how your behavior affects other people, you put yourself in a position of power and control.

Start improving your bad habits by choosing one problem area and focusing on it for a week. When you find yourself using bad manners, try turning your watch around your wrist or a ring around your finger. Make it your goal to reduce the number of turns each day. By practicing courtesy and good manners, you will show that you value and respect everyone. Now, that is sexy.