George Bush, Role Model or Model Idiot?

In the spirit of great comedic geniuses such as Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert I've been trying my best to make light of America's leadership. Hopefully such jest will at least keep me from slipping into deep depression when thinking about our country's state of affairs. So, I did a Google search for "George Bush sayings" because I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could understand where he was coming from if I made a valiant effort to learn his language. This got me thinking, 'as president surely old GW has given his fair share of inspirational speeches to young Americans.' I imagined one speech may have gone something like this:

My fellow Children:
I believe
what I believe is right.
I know what I believe.
I will continue to articulate what I believe.
You should too.

There's no question I got elected.
And I'm thankful
and gracious.
This job is even harder than -
high school!
A dictatorship would be
Heck! Easier.
I'd be dictator.

I'm not, though, because
I like this hemispheric nation.
Hemispheric because
Canada,
well we're real close to it
and it, like our country, is
like our country so much.

So I say to everyone,
anybody who doesn't think
I'm smart enough for this job;
Stop! Stop Misunderestimatin'!
Anybody can do it.
Except the French,
Neither English
nor Mexican,
they're not American.

I've even coined new words, like,
misunderestimatin' and Hispanically.
That's because I am smart,
Reading tells me so.

I say to you, children, read.
They've got nice pictures.
Learn to read, and
ya'll will pass a literacy test.
Then, you can do anything,
even political stuff.

You may even be the future,
In the white house,
and the white house is special -
It is white.

So children remember -
Don't misunderestimate yourselves.
One day you could be like me.

The thought of such verbal diarrhea entering your children's minds is horrifying, I know. Luckily, most children are smarter than Georgey, and their tiny brains will detect his phrases of tomfoolery such as, "I've even coined new words, like, misunderestimatin' and Hispanically." Or, "Anybody can do it, except the French, neither English nor Mexican, They're not American." So don't let The Man get you down and hope for the best-that our children's' minds don't implode from such an extreme overexposure of idiocy at such a young, innocent age. Even after a thorough investigation of his language, I surrender to living the next couple of years being completely baffled by our president's decisions. Only time will tell if our nation is truly headed for ruin.