Get Your God Out of My Face
Can't you come up with something a little more clever when we sneeze? How about, "I'm sorry you sneezed. I hope it doesn't happen again, but if it does, no worries. After all, it's just a freaking sneeze!" The phrase "god bless you" most likely dates back to 590, during an outbreak of the bubonic plaque, when Pope Gregory I blessed people in the street in order to fight off the disease. (It's a wonder we ever needed doctors and vaccines, what with popes around). Fifteen centuries later, we're still paying the price. In fact, many consider it rude when it's not said. Seinfeld tried to put an end to this in the nineties; but "You're so good looking," didn't seem to take. So, how about this? Say nothing. Say nothing at all. Or say anything else. Just as long as you get your god out of my face.
If I lose a loved one, please don't keep me "in your prayers." Keep me in your thoughts; that'll be enough for me. Wish me well, it's all the same thing. But don't insult me by telling me you're going to talk to your imaginary friend and ask him to set things right. I don't need that; if I just lost a loved one, I feel bad enough without being reminded that most of the population are deluded. And please don't tell me my loved one has gone to a better place. Because he or she hasn't. They are either rotting below the earth or sitting in an urn on my mantelpiece. They haven't settled into a duplex in the clouds and sprouted wings. Save your fairy tales and happy endings for the nursery school kids. I'm an adult, and I can cope with loss.
Hey professional athletes, "god" didn't give you your talent, your parents (genes) and coaches (instruction) did. "God" didn't sign that $110 million contract, the general manager and owner of the team did. So point to them, not the sky, after you score that touchdown or hit that homer. And don't use "finding Jesus" as a reason you should be forgiven after you murder dogs or bitch-slap your wife. And by the way, Bud Selig, during the seventh inning stretch, when I hear "god bless America," I stand up and chug the rest of my beer. Because that's the perfect time to go urinate.
Published by Jack Oceano
Jack Oceano is an attorney whose articles cover a broad range of topics, including politics, legal issues, travel and tourism, dining and nightlife, sports, books, movies, music, and writing. View profile
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39 Comments
Post a CommentLove it! Love it! Love it! "Get your god out of my face!" I am sick unto death of this evil little god "they" have created and are trying to cram down our throats these days. Thanks for the one-liner. Will use it liberally.
Do we really have have to run through this a second time? First, Christianity gave us the Ten Commandments, Martin Luther King Jr, the Constitution, equality in Christ, and many massive charity organizations. Second, the only openly atheistic governmnets in history were all communists. Third, it is humanism that most embraces our own importance. Fourth, Jesus claimed that in Heaven the poor would wealthy and the first would be last, which is not a very good way to justify a monarchy. Finally, you have not stated a single fact in your comment. BACK YOURSELF UP!!
religion has been a constant in history since before people were writing on walls, and it has changed little since. It is primarily trying to explain away what you fear, to tell you of your own importance, and to control those who wish to be controlled. One day, as humanity progresses, religion will be looked upon as the last great evil. For without it, all other evils are easily seen, and not allowed to take root in systems or societies. And the children of our children will look back at the religions of today the same quaint way we now look at the religions of the ancient world.
Wow! This is a tough article. I understand your point of view but I'm not sure I'd take it as far as you do. Atheism's a tough gig. Forget about heavern and hell for a moment - you have to be so tough in life. An admirable stance in a way but... how do you really know?
I've learned to live with the lop-sided belief system in this country. And I am adaptive...after a powerful sneeze I would say to an Atheist "are you okay? that sounded painful". To a Wiccan I would say "goddess bless you". And to a Christian "God bless you". I try to speak to people in a manner they understand.
Actually, it could be said that religion DOES kill peole in and of itself, but not in the way that you are thinking of. As I have already said, true, uncontaminated Christianity is about love. The Bible often refers to damnation as death and sometimes, when people become more dedicated to God's law than His love, that is what happens. Ted Dekker explains it best in the novel RED, when Justin (who represents Jesus) asks the Elders if they would die for Elyon (God) or if they would die for the lakes. In the story, the lakes are a gift from Elyon and in order to remain pure from a disease that effects both the mind and body, the Forest Dwellers must bathe in the lake every day.
I would debate gun control with you but that would be very much beside the point. Anyway, the difference between my argument and that of the NRA is that guns do actually make it much easier to kill other people and Christianity does not do that. It is true that religion can be used as an excuse to kill people but human beings have never really been very picky about such excuses so it honestly doesn't make a difference.
Your first line is the same line the NRA uses for guns. I'll agree the two aren't very different.
Religion doesn't cause murder, people do. True Christianity bears a message of love and mercy for the whole world. If Hitler himself were to repent of his sins and ask forgiveness(and I mean truly fall-down-on-your-knees-and-weep repent, at least in Hitler's case) God would accept him. Anyone who believes in such a message must realize that intolerance simply doesn't work and that even criminals have to be given a chance, although there are times where ideals such as this just aren't enough to justify letting a serial killer live.
Religion has been responsible for more deaths than cigarette smoke ever will.