Get it Off Your Chest Mate!!!!

I just found this "piece" that I wrote some time ago. I think I was a bit angry or rather caught up in a net of my own making. It is raw and no editing has been acted upon it to protect the innocent, well except blanking out some expletives. I do seem to see the funny side as I finished ranting on and on and on.........................

The reason I know is because I am the sum of all I have been. Whom, to some, is nothing, and, to others, who are very far and few between, I'm just Noel. Which is the truth? Well that depends on the spectator seat upon which you are sitting. No holds barred here, there was never any of that shite within my life; and there still is not. So what's it all been about so far? Or more importantly, what have I amassed to be so far? Well, maybe you can help me answer this and many other questions through the cathartic nature of writing and reading about a life that is different, should or could've been different, or is exactly how it was, and is, meant to be. And would I or you have spotted the warning signs if they were pointed out. How many times have we ignored the speed limit whilst driving on our under-nourished roads? Once a month, once a week, even? More like every f*#king day!!!! The same goes for myself growing up in a chaotic and so very English world from 1972 onwards out of the abyss. And I know I'm not alone. Oh no, never. We are never alone. Not even when we are isolated in the contemplation of defeating ourselves, we're never alone; never ever alone. And that's the scary bit; you can have nothing and still have something. What that something is, is down to you and, of course circumstance. However, even circumstance is a companion. Life depends on us being alive. That is its nature. That's our nature. To be alive, or not to be; that's the question. What a question that is. What a f$*king question!!!!

Have you ever awoken at whatever am/pm and just thought f$*k off world? I bet you have, because you've been involved in such a wonderful, magical dream, that, opening your eyes to this bed-sit, relationship, work orientated conflict of a world state existence really makes you want to, if you only could, bite your own f*%king head off of your world-weighted shoulders. And that's just the tip of the iceberg? Well yeah I understand. I really do. It's a complete f*#king disappointment compared to those anything goes skies that until a minute ago you were under. There's one word that does not instantly find its way in to our internal dialogue at that time. Can you guess what it is yet? Can you Rolf? Can you play it on your wobble board? You can. Well for f$*ks sake let's hear it. BALANCE. For everything that is going well there's something that is going to bite your opposite into submission and dish out an equal amount of misery; such is life. Basic physics, pure and simple, yet, I'll admit very complex and very fucked up. Basic metaphysics? Who the f**k knows? What the f*&k is metaphysics anyway? And, to be honest who really gives a shit? Except those whom earn a living from such indulgent activities, such as all the religions in the world, nonsense squared if the truth be told. And it is; and always will surface like oil and water split there'll always be illusions/delusions and reality, which ain't that scary really. Or is it?
Of course it is. If truth be told, when the f$%k does that happen these days, we all dream and 99 times out of 99.1 times take one more point average of a step away from our 2 point whatever lives and think what is the point; why do I piss my pants bothering? If my arse were me at least it would sh*t out at least what's not wanted. It would do that, wouldn't it? Or is that the difference between automatic actions and conscious actions? Oh my god my asshole is swallowing me now!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help me please!!!!!!!!!!!!!