Get Paid with Reality Television

With October 2008 marking yet another nadir highlighting the apparent collapse of U.S. laissez-faire brand capitalism - we have accepted the challenge of outlining alternative methods to creating wealth. These methods fall outside the realm of stocks, real estate, economics, and basic prudence. Our goal is to present and evaluate options that are available to all - regardless of financial standing. We have already identified alpaca herding and shamelessly marrying into affluence as a means towards that end. We shall now highlight Alternative Plan C: Reality television.

Pros

No talent required. Common sense is the winning denominator. Reality television serves as a forceful launching pad of business, modeling, celebrity, and entertainment careers. Prize money. Free lodging and travel.

Cons

Intense competition. Extensive separation from friends, family, and gainful employment. Lack of privacy. Outright embarrassment. The total mockery and destruction of one's dignity in order to achieve financial gain.

Execution

The basic model for reality television is presented thusly: 'regular people,' the Joe Six Packs and Joe Plumbers of America must complete some pre arranged grouping of missions within a non-scripted format. Contestants operate in a playoff-like format, where the weakest participants are eliminated following each round. The ultimate winner collects a monetary, or general badge of honor type of prize.

Generally, as the aspirants advance through the various stages of the program, they are mocked, ridiculed, tortured, dismissed, and abused. Viewers are targeted to empathize with a particular participant - clinging to the various mishaps and triumphs of the pawn as if it were their very own. Hence, the beginning classes of reality television players are often a diverse and eclectic group of individuals. Writers appear to feed into the stereotypes of our general citizenry with the selections. All 'reality' television shows seem to present these predetermined cast of characters:

The White Guy: Your basic corporate stiff. Clean cut and looking for love, business, etc.

Educated Angry Black Man: Fist bumps, sneers, and a general uppity loud mouth.

Dumb Blonde Chick: Show cleavage. Sit down. Shut up. Giggle at your own stupidity.

The Sista: Hair weave and huge backside; mad at everybody, everyday, all the time.

The Thug: Eastern European, Italian, or inner-city mobster.

The Asian / Hispanic: Completes the circuit.

Apparently, in order to strengthen the probability of accepting the casting call invitation, entrants must epitomize the most outrageous examples of their select group. The drama arises from the amalgamation of these disparate slices of society. Viewers remain captivated by the potential mayhem and conflict that is sure to ensue with the previous collection of caricatures. 'Reality' television is indeed, a farce.

Americans have been held captive by contestants dancing for dollars, pandering for love, preparing dinner, trading wives, attempting to be pimps, gophering for Diddy, feasting upon vermin, and caddying for Donald Trump. The tomfoolery is without precedent - contestants selling their souls for money and glamour.

We are a culture of voyeurs. We are a society where one's manhood is measured by the shape and size of his wallet; and where one's womanhood is evaluated by the shape and size of her physical dimensions. The explosion of reality television highlights the obvious.

We crown Nikki 'Hoopz' Alexander, the reigning fifteen-minute queen of reality television.

Hoopz, Detroit native, arrives upon the scene, courtesy of her victorious season one Flavor of Love appearance. The program features an array of curvy beauties desperately throwing themselves at rapper Flava Flav, allegedly seeking marriage. Flava Flav is one-half Public Enemy, the old-school, conscientious rap duo. The man has never been known for his good looks.

The march of time has proven that Flavor of Love contestants participate wholeheartedly - not out of love, but in order to score roles as models, actresses, singers, and video vixens. Although Alexander was triumphant during the filming of season one; the woman rejected Flav's advances, and became a fixture upon the B-List Hollywood Party circuit.

Rumor mongers, socialites, and gossips have identified and photographed Hoopz engaged in relations with rapper T.I. and basketball player Dwyane Wade. The scuttlebutt added to the spectacle, inciting drama on the airwaves, in the streets, and within the households of these married gentlemen. Such is the life of the reality television starlet.

Conclusions

Proceed at your own risk. Be advised that all privacy will be lost; and that 'reality' programming often tracks the tired script of society's bidding. In most cases, one must accept a complete loss of dignity as the ultimate payment in exchange for short-lived celebrity.