Getting Along with Your Ex's New Partner: Relationships

Getting along with your ex's new partner probably isn't the first thing you need to be concerned about in your relationship. There may even be a question if it is wise to "get along" with the ex partner. Perhaps a more realistic goal would be to respect and appreciate the ex partner. Some may say it is just a matter of semantics, but semantics matter.

A healthy relationship probably doesn't include day to day contact with an ex partner unless there are children involved. Let's assume for now there are no children.

*The places you will encounter the ex partner will probably be public. Civility is the name of the game. Simply acknowledge the person with a pleasant greeting and move on.

*Never gossip about the ex partner. What is gossip? Gossip is information, factual or fiction, that you talk about that may cause hurt feelings. Think about Thumper, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all."

*If you find yourself comparing yourself to the ex partner, just stop. He or she chooses to be with you and that is enough. Say it until you believe it.

Jann Blackstone-Ford and Sharyl Jupe are co-founders of a non-profits organization called Bonus Families. The whole purpose of the organization is to lend support to those who are separated or divorced. They go to great lengths to talk about how to handle ex partners and have helpful hints when there are children involved.

Life gets much tougher when there are children involved. The key to creating harmony in both homes is putting the children's needs first. While that sounds so easy it is a continual struggle. Children hear everything that is said and then add a little. It just part of their very nature. Children repeat information to anyone who will listen.

Here's a simple example. You and your partner have the kids at your home. They are talking about the ex partner and to avoid saying anything wrong, you excuse yourself and go read a book. Madi observes that you left the room. Madi thinks. Here is Madi's version. "She was so angry that we said your name she left." These things are going to happen, just prepare for them. Arm yourself with a strong self-esteem and love.

Respect the rules set for the children in both homes. You don't want to hear "Well, Mom let's me do that." or "Dad says that is wrong." For the sake of the children have the parents get together on the rules and then support them in both households. It is much easier for everyone and better for the children.

Try not to take negative information to heart. Be civil and cheerful every time you have the opportunity to come in contact with the ex partner. Excuse yourself from conversations that take a negative turn. You can be supportive to your partner in private without belittling the ex partner. It is not an easy task but it can be done.

Remind yourself that people who have relationships that stay together for 50 years or more still have family drama. There are still parenting issues. There are fights and grudges and gossip. You are not alone.