Getting an Epidural and Formula Feeding Does Not Make You a Bad Mother

When I was in my early months of pregnancy, I envisioned my labor going smoothly. I was never pregnant before, and didn't know exactly what to expect, but I did my fair share of reading. For the most part, however, I felt that unless there was a medical situation that needed attending to, one could pick and choose how the birth was going to take place. I knew I wanted a natural birth. I knew I was dead set against the epidural or any intervention medication wise. I knew that I wanted to breast feed. I even knew that I wanted to use nothing but cloth diapers, and wear my baby on a sling instead of using a stroller. Formula? Never! Epidural? Not in this lifetime...I felt ready to take on the world!

And then...

Labor happened.

I spent six hours in intense pain after being induced with pitocin. For the last two hours, I gave in to the epidural. Oh, how I hated myself for it. I hated myself for being weak, for giving in. I hated myself for not giving birth the way mothers have been doing since the caveman days. The baby slid out after a few minutes of pushing. I tried to push away the feelings of guilt. Since I knew I would be breast feeding, I was ready and excited to introduce the baby to the breasts. The more and more I tried to breast feed during the hospital stay and after, the more and more worried sick I became as she failed to gain any weight. I felt I wasn't making enough milk. My mother was worried for the baby as well, and offered a formula in a Playtex Drop-in bottle that the hospital gave us as a going away gift. She gave my baby formula. I was devastated. The baby is one month and two weeks old at this time of October 2008, and I have not been able to exclusively breast feed. I have felt terrible about this. The cloth diaper fantasy hasn't taken root yet because she is too small to fit in them properly, but I have been wearing the baby sling to carry her around.

On many forums online, I have read many times, over and over again, about how exclusively breast feeding the baby is the best thing for the baby. Being a mother who is trying to pump and breast feed without much success, these types of things make me feel like a bad mother. But my husband reminded me that it doesn't matter how the baby came into the world. It doesn't matter if the baby was born in a hospital, in a home, with or without an epidural, vaginally or through a C-Section...the important part is that the baby is out, alive and okay. She is vibrant, active, loud and beautiful. And when I look at her, I can't help but feel proud to be a mother, even though I didn't accomplish the goals I had set myself up for.

A birthing plan is nice, but you must be willing to accept that there is a good chance things may not go your way. And if they don't, you should remember that the prize is meeting your baby, and the way the baby arrived here does not matter in the long run. As far as breast feeding goes, yes it's a beautiful thing, but it's not achievable by all women. And that's okay. I am reminded that my husband was formula fed as a child. My husband is a handsome, intelligent, and healthy man with an extremely strong immune system. So you know what? It's okay. It does not make me a bad mother, no matter what others try to say. Many of those that do the 'right' thing, such as exclusively breast feeding and those who gave birth without any medical intervention, are always the first to attack those who did not do so. And what kind of example is that the child? Why does breast feeding and giving birth naturally matter when the mother herself is setting a horrible example? I know of a mother who gave birth naturally, but decides that it's okay to keep the baby at her mother's home for 5 days out of the week. She decides it's okay for her to smoke questionable substances, drink daily with her boyfriend, and go to parties. She decides it's okay. And it's not. So does it really matter that the baby was born naturally...if the mother is going to act as if she's still single?

The point is this: It's okay if things don't go as planned. It's okay. Your baby will thrive as long as you provide him or her with love, affection and care. The baby will love you, and you will always be that baby's mother...no matter what happens in life. Don't let the negativity of others bring you down. Remind yourself that your baby, your precious blessing, is here with you...and that's all that truly matters in the end.When I was in my early months of pregnancy, I envisioned my labor going smoothly. I was never pregnant before, and didn't know exactly what to expect, but I did my fair share of reading. For the most part, however, I felt that unless there was a medical situation that needed attending to, one could pick and choose how the birth was going to take place. I knew I wanted a natural birth. I knew I was dead set against the epidural or any intervention medication wise. I knew that I wanted to breast feed. I even knew that I wanted to use nothing but cloth diapers, and wear my baby on a sling instead of using a stroller. Formula? Never! Epidural? Not in this lifetime...I felt ready to take on the world!