Getting Your Kid Off to College

This is the final installment of the three-part series on getting your kid off to college. (Here are Part I and Part II, if you missed them.) It's hard to believe we've managed to survive the past 12 months with our wits (and our wallets) still intact, but thankfully I think we have. Here are my tips to help you survive as well.

This article will discuss some of the last-minute things that should be taken care of prior to the first day of school, such as setting up a bank account, getting a computer, deciding on a communication plan, buying clothes and school supplies, registering and attending orientation, registering for classes, setting up a realistic schedule, purchasing textbooks, meeting (or at least talking with) the roommate, and then dealing with move-in day and saying goodbye.

The Bank Account

One of the best ways to help your child become independent is to give them control over their own money. One way of accomplishing this is to take advantage of the university-provided student account that's tied to their student-ID card, which can come in handy for meals, vending machines and on-campus stores. However, starting college provides a wonderful opportunity to start learning how to comprehensively manage money and having a separate account at an actual bank is a great way to start this learning process.

Many parents may be tempted to open a bank account for their child at the same bank where their own accounts are. While there are certainly some benefits to this decision, make sure to factor in the student's needs before coming to a final decision regarding where they should bank.

My advice is to choose a bank that's national, so family from all over can make deposits (this year I'll be including his checking account number with our Christmas card mailings - just kidding!). Also, choose a bank that has ATMs available within walking distance of the college (or better yet, on the campus itself). Also, a parent should sign on as a co-signer on the account, especially for students who've never had a bank account before and for those under 18. Then, once the account is set up, show them how online banking works, how to check their account balance, and how to balance the checkbook. (Then tell them to get a job. Ha!)

Computer

We found out that there are basically four choices when it comes to the question of a computer for school: (1) getting a laptop, (2) getting a desktop, (3) getting a handheld mini computer, or (4) taking advantage of the computers at the library or computer lab.

We assumed a laptop is the only way to go, but this is not necessarily true. How often will he or she realistically be coming home? Do they truly want to lug their computer with them each time (even if it is a laptop)? Are you allowed to bring a computer to classes? What will they be using their computer for besides social networking, Internet "research," and endless hours devoted to video games? Also, I won't get into the debate here over choosing Mac or a PC. As long as whatever they get can give them access to YouTube, that's all that really matters to them anyway.

To save space, most roommates are willing to share a single printer. They will need to discuss beforehand who's bringing it, and whose parent will be setting it up.

Communication Plan

I made the mistake of telling my child I would allow him to set the pace for communications once he moved in to the dorm. Maybe for a daughter this is not such a bad suggestion, but for a son it was evidently an open invitation to disown his parents. He could happily go a month without calling me, which should be illegal because it's downright cruel. A better plan would be to set a minimum communications time-frame (once a week at least, please!) and allow them to set the pace outside of that minimum.

Times have changed since the only mode of communication was the telephone. Now parents need to be comfortable with cell phones, texting, email, Twitter updates, Facebook status updates, Skype, and Google Talk, AIM, or Yahoo! Messenger.

If the main method of communication will be email and texting, make sure their cellphone has a good keyboard made for that purpose, so they can type actual sentences instead of using abbreviations that you'll need a dictionary to help you understand. Also, make sure to add a texting plan to their phone line with your mobile phone provider, if you haven't done so already.

Clothes & Supplies

This conversation doesn't apply if you have a daughter going off to college. For boys, you can give them a backpack with one pair of underwear, one torn shirt, and a pair of shorts that he wore in middle school, and he'd be all set for the entire school year. Girls generally require a fully-furnished house (complete with stocked walk-in closets) to be transported to the dorm - so I'm told.

So if you have a son, shopping is a breeze. The phrase "less is more" applies here, since whatever they end up needing that they didn't bring with them can either be sent to them, purchased on campus, or picked up on a weekend trip home.

Make sure to find out how your child's dorm handles the laundry situation. There are some companies that offer laundry services to residents, but it's cheaper to use the on-site machines. These machines take the student's ID card for payment, so they don't have to always have quarters around for washing that one pair of underwear (if they wash them at all).

For supplies, the most important thing is a backpack. In high school it was important to have a heavy-duty backpack because they had to lug all their books around with them everywhere they went (unless they were lucky enough to have a central location for their locker), but in college they'll probably only have to carry the books for one or two classes at a time, so "heavy-duty" is no longer required. If they'll be taking their computer with them to class, then "heavy-duty" may still be important.

After the backpack, the next important things are a calculator (appropriate to whatever math class they'll be taking), some highlighters (that they will never use because who actually studies?), and some college-ruled paper. Beyond that it all depends on how organized they want to be, which in our case was "not at all."

Orientation

If your son or daughter's university offers a parents' orientation, make sure to attend. Be prepared to sit through a lot of seminars where the same information is repeated over and over, but once you've sat through it at least once you can then safely skip "class" and wander the campus instead. By wandering the campus you can get a good feel for the place, and then you can appreciate the amount of walking your student soon will be doing every day. If the school offers a walking tour to parents, make sure to participate in addition to doing your own private wandering.

Have the student make a list of goals pre-orientation, so while at orientation they can make sure to address them (ID card, location of dining halls, registration for classes, meet the advisor, etc.).

Schedule of Classes

Technology offers students the ability to go online and register for classes directly, but this technology is not yet smart enough (at least our son's school's is not) to make it completely practical to do so. Use a separate tool such as an Excel spreadsheet during the registration process to make sure they don't schedule over-lapping classes, or class times that are too close together for classes that are physically very far apart on campus.

It's easy to click, click, click and have a full schedule, but then once it's time to go to classes they will recognize that the schedule may not work. In order to prevent them from having the hassle of changing their schedule around, help them with the registration process (if their advisor is not able to do it for them at orientation).

Textbooks

Gone are the days when you were forced to buy textbooks at the university bookstore. There is a lot of competition now among textbook providers, and this helps somewhat in bringing down prices. All you need in order to shop around for prices is the ISBN number, which the school should provide for each required book.

We found the best prices for used books on Amazon Textbooks (Amazon.com/Textbooks), though you have to factor in separate shipping costs from each vendor when deciding which way to go. In our case, we added up the costs of buying new on Amazon (which allows you to pay no shipping costs after you go over a certain amount) and compared it to buying used books from separate vendors, and it was still much cheaper to order used. What Amazon didn't have, we were able to get 'slightly used' at the university bookstore.

The earlier your student gets his or her schedule, the sooner they can get their textbooks. This is important since everyone wants used books and there is a limited supply of them. If you wait too long to get textbooks, you may be forced to pay full price for new ones.

Roommate

Unless the roommate is in the same academic program as your child, it's most likely that the first meeting won't be until move-in day. Parents need to keep in mind that you all won't just be meeting the roommate, you'll also be meeting the roommate's parent(s).

Most dorms encourage roommates to sign "contracts" so that things are in writing before they can become a problem. How will the trash be handled? How will laundry be handled? How will the microwave and mini-fridge be shared? How late will lights be allowed to stay on? These are all good things to discuss before beginning to live together.

Move-in

For this one, I must address all you mothers out there: LEAVE YOUR KID'S THINGS ALONE. Let them put their stuff where they want it, even if it looks stupid and is unorganized and is basically sitting in the middle of the dorm room. Trust me; just leave it - unless they ask for your help with organizing (which they won't).

For all you fathers out there, don't give the kid a lecture on safety or a lecture on drinking. These talks should have taken place long ago, and this is no time to repeat them. They already know it, and they don't want to hear it again.

The point is, keep move-in day light and as stress-free as possible. This change is stressful enough as it is, for everyone involved. Don't let yourself get stressed out over anything petty, and try to keep your sense of humor as you deal with this day.

You can help carry everything up, and you can help set up the computer (and printer), and you can help put sheets on the bed, but beyond that, let them do what they want to do with their stuff and don't say anything about it.

Saying Goodbye

If there are opportunities to see your child frequently, saying goodbye won't be so hard; if you're leaving the child and won't see them again until a holiday, make the break clean just like we were taught when dropping them off at preschool for the first time. A clean break is easier to manage than a long drawn-out one. Then, it was for them; now, it is for you.

Try to keep the tears to a minimum (I'm talking about your tears, of course; your child will be fine). Tearing up is acceptable; outright bawling is not. Keep repeating this to yourself over and over again as the time grows nearer to say goodbye.

The Empty Nest

After so much activity and so much planning and events happening for the past year, it's a little difficult to get used to the quiet in the house. My brain is used to running on overdrive, and now it's having trouble quieting down and relaxing. It will all take time, just like it will take time for him to adjust to his new environment, too. The difference is that for him, things are just starting; but for Mom and Dad, things are ending. It's definitely a life-altering moment to say goodbye to your child and watch them walk off into the proverbial sunset.

But at least now hubby and I can run around the house naked. I've just got to remember to close the blinds next time.