Getting Married

Getting married is one of the most important events in the life of a man or woman. Few decisions a person makes in their life will equal the potency of getting married. It will affect, without exception, every single thing in the lives of both parties involved. As such, getting married merits the deepest and most serious contemplation - before the wedding.

One reason, perhaps the primary reason, getting married deserves such profound thought is the current divorce rate in America. According to ⁱdivorcerate.org: 50% of first marriages end in divorce; 67% of second marriages end in divorce; and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. If you're getting married for the first time, you have a 50/50 chance of making it work. If your car only had a 50% chance of starting, you'd trade it in. If your parachute only had a 50% chance of opening, you'd never go skydiving.

When a couple is getting married, they don't even want to think about their relationship ending, much less discuss it. This only makes sense. Two people caught up in all the excitement of getting married, planning a wedding, preparing the guest lists and so on would naturally have difficulty talking about the possibility of the relationship ending. With only a 50% chance of success, this is a grave, albeit understandable, error.

The chances are that everyone reading this article knows one or more people who have been divorced. People who have been divorced are excellent sources of information regarding that utterly unpleasant process. Nobody walks away from a divorce a winner - save for the attorneys involved. Consider chatting with a few divorced people in a casual setting. Do it as a couple. Note that every divorcee you speak with will have certain things in common with the others. The first of these things is that they never believed 'they' would ever get divorced.

Try to remove the emotional aspects of the idea of getting married. This is tough, but it might just help you be in the winning 50% group. Look at getting married as a project. Sort of the same way you'd look at taking a vacation or remodeling your bathroom. What are the things to consider? What are we doing this for? What will we need? What happens if we don't get married? Make a list, and be honest and thorough.

Sit down in a comfortable, casual setting with the person you're getting married to. Discuss, in complete detail, life together after marriage. Start from the moment you get up until the moment you go to bed. Include extra activities such as poker night, shopping sprees, picking furniture, volunteer work, and who 'controls' the TV remote. Will you be having coffee every morning together? Is retiring at night together mandatory? This is the time to discuss such things - not after getting married.

Three topics that everyone who is getting married should discuss in depth are: infidelity, money and substance abuse. This includes alcohol, cigarettes, prescription drugs and, of course, illegal substances.

Who will control the family finances? Is it okay to spend $10 on lunch - without asking? Do you both agree on the concept of fidelity in the marriage? If an act of infidelity occurs after getting married, will it be dealt with, or will the marriage end? Be truthful and realistic. After getting married, you won't be able to hide anything. It's better to get it all on the table now.

Do you both agree on having children? How many children? How far apart in ages? Who will be the stay-at-home caregiver for the children? How will responsibilities be shared? Will you agree to do without things in order to save money for the child's education?

Who is the boss? A ship can only have one captain. Decisions should be discussed, but in a disagreement, who has the final say?

If you find that discussing some of the aforementioned topics is too uncomfortable for you and the person you're getting married to, then this should be your first signal that a problem exists. If nothing else, you should at least postpone the 'irreversible' act of getting married.

Getting married is a giant step. You owe it to yourself, and the person you are getting married to - the person you love - to explore everything about your decision to bond in wedlock. Dealing with existing issues and problems is relatively easy now, but after getting married it can become imminently more complicated and painful.

Remember, getting married is easy - getting divorced is destructive and painful. Make sure that getting married is the right thing to do - - for both of you. Do this for each other. Do it before you get married.

Sources:

ⁱDivorce Rate - by http://www.divorcerate.org/