Getting Over Myself

Self Improvement. After last evening I realized that I am a prime candidate for spending time on improving myself. I like to think of myself as an open minded, loving and kind person. One who has accepted my own limitations allowing me to accept the limitations in others. I was wrong.

Last night I was at a U2 concert. I have followed them for over twenty years since I was in college. I like and appreciate their message of peace and acceptance and responsibility. I love their music. I HATED their audience. It began when we were in line for the parking

We had mistakenly gotten into the wrong lane for parking so we needed someone to let us in the right lane. No one wanted to let us in and so the judgment began. The guy next to us was in a Mercedes. He was in there with one other person who I believed was his wife. The fact that he would not let us in incited my rage. I thought to myself and said out loud - what I pretentious dick with his damn Mercedes thinking he is better then everyone else. Yet I knew nothing about him. The Mercedes could have been rented. It could have been his first night out in seven years with his wife and all he wanted to do was park but because he would not let us in in my opinion he was a dick. In all reality he is most likely like the rest of us working hard to provide for his family, maybe having to take care of older parents, someone who contributes to charities but last night in my mind in was a jackass.

After we parked we walked into the stadium and got to our seats. God there were a lot of drunk people there. Some so drunk that I thought to myself that they were never going to be able to stay awake through the concert. In my opinion they all needed to be at an AA meeting and NOT at a concert. Judge, judge judge and the really sad part is that I myself have spent more then one evening so drunk that I would have not been able to state my name and was hung over for two days. But that is not what I thought about last night all I thought was "go to rehab".

Along with being surrounded by drunk people there was a couple three rows in front of us that needed to get a room the public display of affection was over the top. Instead of celebrating what was most likely new love and joy all I could think of was " Give me and "f" in break - concentrate on the music and save the rest for the hotel. Once again I was judging behavior that I found low class and uneducated and ALSO behavior that I participated in when I was twenty-four.

Other judgments included a woman who was very heavy. I thought to myself "she really needs to stop eating" and here is with my behavior was truly out of control because up until very recently I have been FAT - I am still chunky. I am also smart and have willpower but I was fat for many different reasons and instead of having empathy for this woman and keeping her in my prayers and asking for her to be blessed I judged her in ways that I never judged myself and yet she and I were one in the same.

I also judged people who smoked, women who were high heels to a stadium concert, men who were short, men who were fat, the way that people were dressed and the list goes on and on. I am disappointed in myself. The one positive is that I noticed my behavior and I am offended by myself and I am going to try and use this as an opportunity to reach further into myself and to really try and practice acceptance as the reality is that we are all the walking wounded. Last night I could have been judged and on my appearance, on the fact that I took a five year old and a seven year old to a rock concert, on the fact that I was singing loudly and I am a very bad singer. Everyday I can be judged on those things that make me human and that is fine. What I need to do is stop judging others. It is not who I want to be.