Getting Parents to Trust You with More Responsibility

Inevitably you will find a time when you come up against the wishes of your elders or parents. It is important, however, to remain civil and cool-headed in any disagreement with parents.

Your parents mean well when they interfere in your life, but they are not always as up-to-date or well-informed as you may be-life has changed a lot since they were kids, teenagers, or college students.

In an any argument with a parent, teacher, or elder, consider the following helpful tips:

Acknowledge that you know they are trying to help

Tell them you realize they are acting to help you, but also inform them that you have considered your actions in-depth beforehand and that you stand behind your decision. (Of course, if you realize you are wrong, admit it and move on.)

Try not to harp on generational differences

If you tell them that they "know nothing" because times have changed so much, you may be right, but you won't win them over. Try to avoid lines of argument such as this one. Focus instead on the fact that you know what is best for you.

Offer reasonable compromise

If their objections can be dealt with (such as moving your "time to be home" up by an hour), offer to compromise. Or if their concerns are safety-related, maybe offer to have a cell phone on you at all times or to bring a trusted friend with you-promise to answer your phone whenever the parent calls or texts.

If any kind of agreement cannot be reached, it is a common tactic to ask "the other parent" or to bring in another teacher or elder-this often leads to resentment or alienation, and rarely results in what you want. Instead, bring in another peer (such as a friend) who can talk with your parents and explain that whatever you are asking for is legitimate and widely granted by other parents.

A good, well-spoken friend can get you a lot more freedom from your parents than you would receive from pitting one parent against another. Also try having a friend's parents talk with your parents at some point-this can also work, as a parent is more likely to listen to the counsel of another parent as opposed to their own child.

Also provide facts and statistics, or relevant information, when you think it may be helpful. For example, if your parents trust your friend Chris and he will be at the party, mention to them that Chris will be there. In this way you can slowly build consensus and get your parents to give you the responsibility and level of trust you deserve!