Getting Through a Loved One's Alcoholism

Many of us have had to cope with a loved one's drinking. Sometimes it's a friend or family member you don't have to be around much. Often, though, it's a family member who's very closely involved with your life. While the former can be heart-wrenching enough, the latter can often be worse. I grew up around an alcoholic in my family. It's a struggle, and one that doesn't really get better as long as the loved one in question is still drinking.

What can a person do to begin to cope? In short, you must realize that your loved one's drinking isn't your fault. Once you've come to this acceptance, you can elevate yourself from victim of your loved one's behavior to a survivor. Here are some important points to keep in mind:

1. His/Her Drinking is Their Choice Alone-Period

Many family members of alcoholics end up beating themselves up over their loved one's behavior. After a crisis has hit thanks to their drinking, your gut reaction may be to think "If only I had done this...or that..." If you're playing the "what if" game-stop. No matter what guilt-tripping tactics your loved one may use to convince you that their behavior is your fault, it isn't. The unrepentant alcoholic simply cannot see their own hand in their circumstances. This isn't your fault, it's the emotional state they are in due to their drinking. If "friends" accuse you of being responsible for your loved one's drinking, steer clear of them. Friends are supposed to help you, not aggravate your situation.

2. Think of Its Impact

Once you've come to accept that changing your loved one isn't in your power, sit down and reflect on how their drinking has impacted your life. Have you rarely socialized with friends? Are you leery of making new friends due to bad treatment by friends from your past who abandoned you? Has your loved one's drinking held you back from good career and education opportunities? If so, don't despair. It's not uncommon for someone contending with another's alcohol abuse to switch into survival mode. Now that you've realized what's happened in your life due to the alcohol abuse, stop merely surviving and go back to living. Since you've realized that your loved one's alcohol abuse isn't your fault, your eyes are likely to be opened to lots of brand-new possibilities.

3. A Support System is a Must

I can't emphasize how important it is to have a strong support system. You can feel as though you're totally alone in your struggle with a loved one's alcoholism. You aren't, and some sort of support system will make you realize how much other people can help you. Regularly attending worship services can genuinely help. While this isn't a substitute for professional counseling (if needed), being supported by prayer and fellowship will make your daily life easier. If you have very severe emotional issues resulting from your struggles with your loved one, private counseling should be explored. Your local city or county health department can probably help you to get set up with a counselor if you don't have insurance. A clergy member may also be able to refer you to a counselor. Regular attendance at an Al-Anon meeting, either online or in person, may be just what you need.

I'm not a counselor, but I have gone through the emotional pain of having an alcoholic family member. This tips have helped me get on the road to recovery, and I hope they'll help you or a friend in need as well.