Ghetto Rulez

These are some really rough times. Even with a full time job, never going out, and eating Top Raman, there is never any money leftover after paying bills. God help you if you are a woman and have special needs. There are a couple of things that you can do to help a little....and I do mean a little.

When you go through the take-out window at any fast food joint remember, always ask for extra napkins. Be convincing: smile sweetly, shrug you shoulders, and say, "my girlfriend eats like a German Shepard". Of course the same strategy goes for ketchup, salt, pepper, and dressings if possible. "They" are catching onto us a little because most places have started to charge extra if you want a little bit more dipping sauce for your Chicken Fingers. They will charge a whole 25 cents extra. The Bums!

If you are really into adventure go into the fast food joint with your friends. After you buy your meal, sidle nonchalantly over to the condiment table. Get extra sugar packets, and all the other usual suspects, then put them in your bag. Some places have really cool stuff like packets of Tabasco and Lemon Juice.

Honey packets are the bomb for your morning tea at home, also I really like the natural sugar packets as well. A favorite national coffee/latte franchise has the best beverage bars. They almost expect you to take extra stuff home. However once again, some places have gotten hip to us scavengers; they have mini paper cups that we are supposed to squirt ketchup and mustard into instead of the handy little packets.

Places that serve fish will have fresh lemons and you can use those at home in your tea. Mexican Food places will have salsa that you can dish up into little plastic containers with lids. Fill up 5 or 6 of those and take them home. Another place that serves Mexican food (think of "the bell") offers hot sauce packets, and usually as many as you want. I always ask for extra mild sauce. My trick is to add about 5 or 6 packets to my hamburger and cook it up. This makes taco filling when I haven't got any taco seasoning.

There are some other tips that are obvious. When you go to a fast food joint and they have an "all-you-can-drink" beverage bar, drink up and fill your cup before you leave. Also when you go to a movie theater and they have a refillable popcorn tub, make sure you refill it, you can munch popcorn while you watch TV after the movie.

Last but not least, if you aren't afraid of the birthday song, tell them it is your birthday. Most places give you a free desert. But at the risk of everyone knowing that you are the person with the birthday, you may have to put up with the embarrassment. Remember what I always tell my kids "free is better than cheap".