Gift Children: The Future Term for Stepchildren?
Referring to a child as a step-child somehow depersonalizes the situation for me. When in public, I simply claim them as my own. Why say to a stranger, "No, this is my step kid. This isn't my kid"? I can imagine the child in this situation would not feel too good right about then. The gift-child is a part of the family and should be treated as such.
If I refer to my gift-children on the internet, I always call them my gift-children now. This is a term I coined because I feel it better describes what they really are. Sometimes I just refer to them as my children. To me, a new child to love is a gift, not a "step". Take the meaning of step into consideration for a moment. A step is a part of a process to get to a goal or destination. I am sorry, but my gift-children do not have to work towards the goal of becoming part of my family. They were a part of my family at the instant that I decided to be seriously involved with their father. They do not have to earn their way in. Just as when a biological child is born, I treat the arrival of a gift-child as special, too. Any new addition to the family should be treated with love, respect, and care.
To the gift-child, I actually do not say "You're my step kid" or "You're my gift kid". I simply treat them exactly as I treat my own and I genuinely love them the same.
If the gift-child lives in your house, it is even more beneficial to treat them this way. The benefits will be for you as well as the child. Put yourself in that child's place for a moment. Imagine if all of a sudden, life as you knew it changed and you had a new mommy or daddy.
New mommy or daddy one always made sure everyone knew you were the step kid. You felt left out as it is. Now you have this new label that is forced upon you.
New mommy or daddy two treats you as if you have always been there and never says anything to family and friends about you being the step kid. If the family is doing something, you know you are included.
Now, would you rather have new mommy or daddy one or number two? I'd be inclined to think it was number two.
All that can be said for stepchildren could also be said in adoptive or other similar situations as well. Never put a label on a child. If you must call them something, please call them your gifts, rather than your steps to something greater. They are the something great. There is only one step to that. Treat them like your own.
Published by Lyn Lomasi - Featured Contributor in Lifestyle
Lyn's the Community Advocate at Yahoo! Contributor Network. Contact her with community issues & ideas. She's been contributing since 2007 and previously acted as a Community Guide. Read her tips for success... View profile
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19 Comments
Post a CommentI call mine bonus kids :) At first, however, I didn't feel this way. The situation was hard. But, 20 years later, we are truly a family and happy. I love them dearly. They are not mine biologically, but they are mine wholeheartedly.
Thanks Stephanie. It never seems right for me either. :-)
Great article! My two oldest children are "gift-children" and I always refer to them as my own children. They have lived with me full-time for over nine years, with very little contact from their biological mother, none in the past two years. It never seems right to say they are my step-children.
Thanks LMM. I hope you get that wish. :-)
Your lovely postive voice that comes thru in your writing. I have 3 gift children in addition to my very own gifts. One that I've only met twice and two that I've never even met at all. They live in Italy with their mother. My fondest hope is to have Christmas with all of them someday.
Thanks Zion. What great insight and I'm glad I could help another. :-)
So very true, and very timely in this day of the blended family. How easy it is to get it twisted... forgeting that to give of oneself is a blessing in itself in the journey of becoming our best.
Seeds planted sometimes take time to root, but when planted in true caring, always do.
Another great article. I'll be applying this terminology from now on!
Thannks Deborah. I believe all children should be treated equally.
Thank you so much Alyce. Wonderful comments. :-)
Never thought about where that term "step" came about, but you have definitely coined a much better phrase. Excellent article, your beauty shines through.