Gift Ideas for Your Favorite Poker Player

Do you know someone who loves poker with the heat of a thousand suns? Clues to this type of predilection follow: They moan the names 'Ivey' and 'Helmuth' in their sleep; they greet people in the store with words like, "Brutal beat last thursday, Mark." instead of "Hey, how ya doin?"; and their computer screen-saver shuffles every couple of minutes.

I'm going to take the road less traveled and suggest some gifts for these poker-passionate that are not directly related to the game of poker. My reasoning is, an avid player of high caliber is probably going to have a quality poker set already, and a set of tried and true poker books written by his or her favorite gambling champ. These items might even be lucky to the friend in question. So why mess with a good dynamic?

Here are some gift ideas that will do your favorite poker player more good than they probably realize.

Smaller gifts:

An upscale book of crossword puzzles, or a book of optical illusions- Why? First off, using another part of their brain besides the calculating and deducting channels will give your poker star's mind a blessed rest. Also, these kinds of mind puzzles tend to sharpen thought processes all around, so this can improve life both on and off the poker felt.

An Old Spice gift set- Why on earth? Because..this stuff is distracting. All your poker player needs to do is douse himself with this stuff, and the aroma will bring strange memories to the other players around the table of their fathers dressed in chinos, red faced and playing croquet. They will be like little kids again, folding tremulously in the face of his clever maneuvers. Okay, be skeptical, but it might just work.

Medium gifts:

A yellow teletubby sweater- This is more psychological warfare. A poker player who enters the ring wearing a big, cuddly teletubby on his chest will be immediately discounted by the other players as both a goofball and a pushover. Advise your friend to allow this impression to take root before going all Genghis Khan on their backsides.

A leather bound volume of A.A. Milne's classic 'Winnie the Pooh' stories. Why? Because everybody likes Pooh.

Large gifts:

Ringside seats to see Floyd Mayweather vs Ricky Hatton at the MGM Grand Garden Arena on December 8th- Why? Well, it takes place in Vegas, and if poker isn't going well, this will give your friend something else to make his buddies jealous with.

A trip to Yosemite Valley- Because it's high time to get out of that smoky, little room and up into the granite mountains of a glorious outdoor wonderland. Also, if he's been hitting the tables a little too intensely, this get-away might prevent the spouse from going postal.