Gift Suggestions for Father's Day from a Father

Since Father's Day is coming up, I feel it is my duty to fathers everywhere to clue in all you desperately out of touch kids as to what dear old Dad really wants for his special day. Get out your wallets and break into the piggie banks kiddies, because old Pops doesn't want the homemade tie or ceramic pen holder this year. Nope, in the grand tradition of Mother's Day, where the kids go all out from true love, or at least true guilt, the Daddy Man wants something a little more, dare we say it, useful than sentimental this year. Here are a few personally selected items that will thrill most Dads.

A nice pocket knife. Buy your Dad the best Case, Buck, Cold Steel or Gerber knife you can afford. If you can't afford one of those, buy a cheaper knife, but still the best you can afford. Look for a knife that is small enough to carry easily but with blades big enough to do actual everyday cutting. A three-bladed stockman's knife is a good choice. If you don't know a stockman's knife from a Case "peanut" knife, just ask the man at the knife counter of your local hardware store. Or the lady. Just get the knife. Now.

A good pen. Every Dad has to write down phone numbers and messages for Mom and the younger set. Unfortunately, there's never a pen handy when you need one. Get Dad a good pen, stainless steel comes to mind, and never ever touch it or take it off his desk. Ever.

A good cookie. If you have to give Dad something homemade, and you're not a skilled woodworker (making a rocking chair good, that is), then learn to bake some decent peanut butter or oatmeal raisin cookies. You can let Mom taste test all the first ones. When you're past all the ones that make her turn green, they should be fine for Dad. An apple pie is even better, but if you can't be trusted not to set yourself on fire around a stove, then by all means go to marshmallow treats. You can melt the marshmallows in the microwave, rocket scientist.

A letter. Not just any letter, but a handwritten letter telling old Poppa Bear how much you love him. No stupid cards. A very personal, very well thought out, neatly hand written note. Calligraphy would be a nice touch, but cursive will do. After all, if it wasn't for him and some spark of romance hidden deep in his soul, you wouldn't be here. Come on now, he was man enough to chase after your Mom, woo her and win her, so there has to be some sentiment in the Big Guy somewhere. So despite what I said about spending some loot on the Old Man and forgetting about all the sentimental stuff, do this thing anyway. Just don't tease the Old Guy if he has to wipe his eyes, because we all know he's not crying. Not Daddy Dear.