Gift Suggestions for the MISTRESS

Now you know, without a shadow of doubt, that your dear husband has a mistress. Painful but true. You have decided not to kill him because anyway the halloween is over and...you just don't want to kill him. Period. Understandable, because despite everything, you still love the father of your children. What about the other woman? Well, maybe you are thinking, since Christmas is just around the corner, you might as well be forgiving and just include the other woman in the list of persons you will be buying gifts for the Yuletide. Besides, you don't want your hubby to get sad, right? Okay, if that's what you want. Here are some gifts suggestions, especially thought of, for mistresses:

1. A BIG basket of chocolates contaminated with melamine from China. So, even if the melamine would not give her kidney stones and eventually kill her, she will gain several pounds enough to turn your husband or any man off.

2. State of the art cell phone with chip bomb which, when detonated, will just be enough to make her deaf. Imagine a deaf mistress? Lets just see if your dumb hubby will shout endearments to his deaf paramour:)

3. Health and wellness product, with laxative, for ease in bowel movement, with detoxifying effect thrown in for good measure. Then keep your fingers crossed that hers will be excessive, which will result in dehydration, which would require hospitalization for a month or longer. Time enough for your husband to forget her?;

4. Musical card lace with purported anthrax (not the real thing coz it is too dangerous, she's not worth it, besides, its kind of difficult to procure) give her a call to tell her so, right after she held the card close to her chest. Lets just see if she will not drop to the floor in a dead faint or maybe just plain drop dead would be nice too;

5. Place your stupid unfaithful husband in a box. Pump him full of alcohol first. Gift wrap it carefully. Tie with a ribbon and have him specially deliver with a THANK YOU note attached. Come to think of it, wives with unfaithful husbands are better off without them.

DISCLAIMER: The author will not be responsible for the legal consequences as a result of her suggestions. Wives out there who are stupid enough to try the herein gift suggestions are on their own.