Give Me an Inch or I Will Run a Mile

When I was a freshman in college, I met this guy. I was at a friend's house one day when he called. We started talking and there was an instant connection. I thought he was great and my friend gave him my number. When he first started calling me, I was thrilled. We never ran out of things to say to one another. It was new; it was exciting. But I guess as the old saying goes, "All good things come to an end".

One weekend I was at my parents' house and I told him that I would call him as soon as I got back to school, which would take about an hour and a half. This was before we all grew cell phones as extensions to our heads. He said okay and we hung up. I left right then, and when I got back to my dorm room, my roommate looked at me and said, "I stopped answering the phone about 30 minutes ago". He had been calling me every 10 minutes since we hung up. What was that about? Did he think that I was lying to him about where I was? Didn't he know that if I was lying I probably wouldn't answer the phone when he called?

Then one Sunday afternoon, we were talking on the phone. Again, I was at my parents' house, and I told him that I couldn't stay on the phone long because we didn't have call waiting and my sister-in-law was due to have her baby any day. So my parents wanted to keep the line open. He seemed okay with this and we had a good conversation before hanging up. As soon as we got off the phone, my brother called. I was talking to him when the operator broke in with an emergency. I let my brother go and accepted the call. It was my boyfriend. As soon as I answered, he began yelling at me for not wanting to talk to him, but getting on the phone with someone else as soon as we hung up. If I could talk to someone else, why couldn't I talk to him? I was so mad! After all, what right did he have?

He got to the point that he would get mad at me if I wasn't in my room every time he called. He thought that I was out cheating on him. He failed to realize that I did have classes and like it or not, I did have to go to the bathroom sometimes. The situation just continued to get worse.

I decided I could take it no more when one night, I was talking to my cousin in California. Being that she is in California, I don't talk to her often. He called right after I got on the phone with her. I told him that I would call him back. He called two minutes later, and I told him I would call him back. I talked to my cousin for over an hour. Every couple minutes he would beep in to see if I was off of the phone and ready to talk to him. He just couldn't believe that I would rather talk to my cousin (who I had not talked to in probably a year) instead of him (who I had talked to ten times that day). How dare he treat me like a two year old child under his command? That was when our relationship ended.

A week later, in an effort to get me back, he called with front row tickets to a Kenny Chesney concert, which he knew I couldn't resist. So what if I didn't like him anymore and I would rather put bamboo shoots under my nails than spend five more minutes with this crazy guy? So what if the sound of his voice had begun to make me cringe? I did not care. I was going to be sitting front row center watching Kenny Chesney in concert. It was great. I was so excited until I realized how wrong it would be for me to accept the tickets and turned him down. I was, however, upset about missing the concert until I found out that it was cancelled anyway. I came out the bigger person and I didn't have to miss the concert!

See, I'm not a person that feels that I have to be with someone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I feel that there should be some space. Now, before you go and take my inch and make it a mile, let me clarify. I'm of the opinion that if you love someone enough to marry them, then you obviously love them enough to live with them and share the rest of your life with them, or at least that is what you said when you stood up in front of all your friends and family and repeated the words of the minister on duty that day. However, no matter how much you love someone, there are times when a person just wants to be alone, by themselves, away from all human contact; just them, God, and the clear blue sky. No matter where you are or who you are with, it is inevitable that you will eventually feel the need for a break. It is my firm belief that we are to make a life with someone else - not be each other's whole life.

Now, let me pull you back into perspective. I can't see finding a need to have a puppy dog following me, nor do I want someone that feels as if a marriage is a reason to become Siamese twins. That being said, I also believe that a couple should never go anywhere that they are not willing to take the other. That is not to say that I want to go, or should want to go. That is not to say the he will want to go or should want to go. That is simply a statement that means that we both should be willing to take the other with us where ever we go.

If he goes to the races every Saturday and I hate racing, then I should stay at home or find something else to do. If I like to go to the races, then he should be more than happy for me to go. Now, if we have spent every waking moment with each other for months and he wants to go to the races with his friends without me, then I should respect that, but if I really want to go, he should be willing to include me. Just because we are both at the same place does not mean that we have to sit on top of each other or really even talk to one another. It is possible to enjoy the same event separately.

Why can't two people live separate lives together? This way the time that you spend with one another is will be special and not just everyday ordinary. When you spend twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week with another person, you run out of things to talk about, you run out of things to do, and you just get bored with the other person. It gets to the point that the only thing left for you to do with each other is argue. It will start with obvious things like the bills or childcare. Then when all the air has run out of those tires, you start fighting about the trivial things, such as there not being enough salt in the peas, which glass he can drink out of at dinner, which shoes you wear to get the mail, or some other insignificant thing that doesn't seem to matter to most people. This seems to be an almost unconscious process some couples go through just to somehow keep the spice alive in their relationship. At least after a fight you can make up. That gives you something to do. But, come on, who really wants to live that way? So what is another key to having a successful long term relationship? SPACE!

One of the things girls tend to do when they begin a new relationship is that before they met this new "Mr. Right", they were their own person. We forget that before his entrance into our lives, we had friends; we had fun! We put all of our energy into being with this one person, forgetting about those around us and often losing friendships because of it. To some extent, this is a good thing; especially in the beginning. But when we come down off of the high that a new relationship brings, we need to remember to do what will make us happy. This is essential in order for us not to begin to resent him for taking us away from everything we once loved. Go shopping; send him hunting or fishing; join a community or social club; let him have a game night; you have a game night; spend a night alone reading in the bathtub. Do whatever it is that you need to do so that when you are together, your time will be enjoyable, stress free; so instead of a roller coaster ride, your time together can be emotional relaxation. Two people should build a life together so that when they go home at the end of a long day, they can feel at peace; they can unwind and really enjoy each other's company. When you say, "I do", you are not signing away all of your hopes and dreams. You are simply meshing your world with his; becoming two parts of a whole. Remember, puzzles often take a lot of pieces put together to make them complete. These pieces are not identical. They all have their own unique properties. So, to make a truly happy relationship, each person needs to lay all of their pieces on the table to see where they fit. If, at a later time, one of those pieces is removed, the puzzle will not be complete.