GIVING the GIFT of LIFE

I spent Sunday October 26 2008 at a memorial for organ donors and the family of the donors. I am the recipient of a dual liver/kidney transplant. My wife was insistent about contacting the donor's family and giving our condolences and thanks for this amazing gift that was so freely given. The donor network informed us that a majority of recipients never bother to send their thanks to the families. Being the person she is, my wife made it a point to send our thanks through the donor network so as to show our gratitude. My wife and the mother began ongoing correspondence and the mother informed us that she was flying in from Florida to attend the memorial the network was giving for donor families.

My wife was ecstatic and informed me that we would be attending also because the mother really wanted to meet me. Truthfully I was very nervous about this meeting. On average I am not concerned with if another approves of me or even likes me, but in this instance, I was concerned with all of this. I wanted and needed her approval. Her son now lived on within me and this was an important responsibility.

We arrived at the Crown Royal Hotel with me not knowing what to expect and therefore very nervous. The banquet facility was full with the families of donors and I was one of only a handful of donor recipients in attendance. My donor family arrived late which added to my anxiety. I was anxious to get this over with, but excited at the same time to meet the mother of the man who gave me these precious gifts.

We spoke with a number of the donor network staff members and they were so pleased that we were there. The coordinator which handled my particular donation case also informed us of how anxious the family was to meet me. I still did not know what to expect. I actually was afraid of the emotions that would probably be forthcoming to be honest.

The coordinator sat my wife and myself in a room and after a while in walked these two ladies. I stood and the older of the women all but ran to me and hugged me so tight as to temporarily take my breath away. She held me as if she would never let me go. Her body trembled with the emotion she was feeling. She finally let me go and stood back to take me in fully. Then she smiled and said; "Rafael would be pleased".

The coordinator informed me that this was the mother and then turned to the other lady and informed me that this was my donor's sister. She also gave me a big hug and looked me over completely. The mother grabbed me once again and repeated the original hug. She told me that my wife had told her a lot about me already and that her son and I had a lot in common.

She even commented on my style of dress and said that her son was always fashionable and would approve of my bearing. Before their arrival I had found the picture of my donor who was a young very nice looking man. His bio read a lot like my own. He was adventurous and loved to travel, enjoyed water sports such as scuba diving and jet skiing, which are also passions of mine.

She told me of his career which was a professional hair stylist. He was quite accomplished for a young man of 32. He worked with some of the top models in the industry, as well as, entertainers such as singers and movies actors. She went on to tell of how well loved he was and the affect he had on those who met him. After hearing of his short life I felt honored to be the recipient of his amazing gift.

The entire memorial program was outstanding. There was so much emotion in the room and not a dry eye following the words of donor families, as well as, a couple of recipients. My wife and I were seated at a table with a family which had lost their 14 year old son. The mother of the boy was distraught but even through it all she maintained the fact that her son now was giving life to three different individuals. Through the grief, this gave his mother comfort.

Before the memorial was completed my donor's mother came to me and again thanked me for coming. She said that seeing me gave her a sense of closure and that she was pleased that someone such as me received her son's gift. The sister informed me that at first she balked at the fact of donating, because in her moment of grief, she wanted her brother to be left whole. But upon seeing the benefit of his donations, she also was at peace with his decision.

After hearing me speak with the family, the coordinator said that I could be of service in the network. He asked me if I would like to be trained to be an advocate for organ donor ship. I immediately agreed and was introduced to the volunteer coordinator. Now I am signed up to begin training so as to speak to groups in regards to donating.

I was given the link to the Virtual Memorial site where my donor is memorialized and upon arriving home, even though I was emotionally drained by this time, I wrote the following to his memorial;

"Rafael lives on in me and I will always honor his precious gift. Before this we shared so much even though we never met. His love of life, his quest for adventure, the joy he received from the very act of being alive.

On the 12th of Oct I had a birthday. The first one following the receipt of the gifts Rafael so unselfishly gave me. Yet I have a new birthday which is June 18th, one day after My Brother was taken from those who love him.

Today I met MammaBear and my new sister Cindy. I met Sybil and Alex and was accepted into the fold. I truly feel as though I have a new family and already feel the love that has developed in me for them, as well as, My Brother Rafael.

Rafael and I shared so much even before becoming of one body. We both have a love of travel. We both have an adventurous spirit. We both love the water and the beauty it offers. We both love the life we lived and lived the life we love. I will continue to live our lives in this manner.

We will continue to travel the world. Rafael will dive into the depths of tropical waters with me. We will hop waves with our jet skis. We will dance, laugh, sing, and continue to live the life we love.

So mourn no more. Celebrate the life that Rafael lived and honor the memory of that life, for he lives on. And know that it will never ever be taken for granted or wasted. Our lives have just begun."

I pray that this gives his family and friends some sense of closure concerning his life and the gift he has given to me. And I begin advocacy for organ and tissue donations with this blog. I would beg that if one is not a donor, become one. You or your loved ones can continue to live through the lives you save.

What a wonderful gift you or your loved ones can give to another in a most devastating period. But to know that in your sorrow and grief you can give the gift of life, what a legacy that is. So please be a donor by filling out a donor card and placing a donor sticker on your license. Give so that others may live.

The recipient and their family will thank you and God will bless you.