Giving Them Something to Talk About

Many years ago while shopping outside of town, my mother and I had our arms full of items and were debating on whether or not we should bother getting a cart at the front of the store. As we strolled along a cart happened to catch our eye as it sat alone in the middle of an aisle. There were only a few small items at the bottom and when both neighboring aisles produced no possible source of ownership, we took it.

Of course, not seconds after releasing our burdens into the cart the perturbed owner appeared out of nowhere, huffily repossessing it and her purchases.

Mom and I waited until the woman was well on her way before turning to one another with bright cheeks and embarrassed, smirking mouths. Then Mom waved off the frazzling episode by saying, "Oh, don't worry about it, she'll never see us again."

Ah, yes, "They'll never see us again," once more saves the day. As it has done rather prolifically throughout my childhood, and especially nowadays during the occasional belligerent meltdown bestowed upon me by my children while out in public.

Yet, for all the good, "They'll never see us again," has done it just doesn't have the same affect when a horrendously self-conscious moment happens in front of potential repeat observers.

For instance, let's say you bump into a former flame that rolls their eyes over your embarrassing weight gain, or gasps over a less-than-thick head of hair. "They'll never see us again!" really doesn't work because the potential is high that you will see them again. Unfortunately, many times over, so after much consideration, I finally found the remedy! Instead, of "They'll never see us again," simply repeat to yourself, "I'm giving them something to talk about!"

Never again should you feel the flush of heat across your cheeks, find yourself ducking around a corner in shame, or threatening to put your children up for adoption because, "Giving them something to talk about." is the extemporaneous gift that keeps on giving, well after you've left the building.

So when the apple-of-your-eye says something colorfully embarrassing to their grade-school teacher, don't frustrate over excuses and scapegoats, simple repeat to yourself, "I'm giving them something to talk about." And when you find yourself the topic of hot gossip over the water cooler after an overly rambunctious work holiday party, just remember, "You're giving them something to talk about!"

See how easy that is?

Originally published in the Daily Advocate, Jan. 2008.

Bethany J. Royer-DeLong is currently entrenched at home fighting the good war against the gimmes and the I-don't-wannas. She blogs recklessly, as all mothers of children under the age of six should, and has been working on that "supposed" great American novel, times a dozen. You can visit her at motherofthemunchkins.blogspot.com and email her at broyerdelong@yahoo.com