Glenn Beck's Top Ten Dumbest Quotes

Readers beware! There's another wacko right wing nutjob on the loose. His name is Glenn Beck, and Republicans adore him. They love him so much they want to rub his belly when he rolls over, and pinch his cheek like your grandma used to do. But Glenn Beck is hardly a cute little kitten when you hear some of the craziness bubbling from out his mouth like foam from a rabid dog. Do you have your rabies shot?

Here is just a sample of such rabid paranoia.

1. "This president I think has exposed himself over and over again as a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture....I'm not saying he doesn't like white people, I'm saying he has a problem. This guy is, I believe, a racist."

Beck whipped up this gem on July 28, 2009. Advertisers fled from him in terror like he was the black... er, I mean the white plague.

In an interview with Katie Couric, he could not, or would not define what he meant by "white culture."

Fox News, even, kept Beck at an arms length when they responded this way: "During Fox & Friends this morning, Glenn Beck expressed a personal opinion which represented his own views, not those of the Fox News Channel. And as with all commentators in the cable news arena, he is given the freedom to express his opinions."

Not that anyone really believes that Fox News doesn't share his views. This is the network, after all, that purports the theory that Michelle Obama's senior thesis was about her own views concerning "white oppressors" and not those of her black college classmates. Fox old school golden boy, Bill O'Reilly, has made racist comments time and time again. But it was Beck's quote that sent Fox News running away screaming like a little boy who'd just wet his knickers. It's pretty bad when you scare Nazis away.

But this isn't the first time Beck has accused someone of a different race of being a racist.

2. "I think she is a racist. I think she decided things based on race. I think she says that a Hispanic woman, with the experience of being a Hispanic woman can make decisions that a white man can't make. I can't imagine saying that. That's like saying Hispanics can't make money decisions like them Jews."

This masterpiece of oral vomit was in regard to Sonia Sotomayor's nomination to the highest court in the land. In psychology, projection is a defense mechanism with which we deny our own attitudes by displacing them on others, ascribing to those around us the very attitudes we are too ashamed to admit having ourselves. I'm not saying that Beck is a racist, but if the white hood fits...

However I have to give Glenn Beck some credit. He's more than just a closeted racist. He's also a bona fide schizophrenic. Consider the following quotes.

3. "Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization...And you must silence all dissenting voices. That's what Hitler did. That's what Al Gore, the U.N., and everybody on the global warming bandwagon

Did you get that, reader? Glenn Beck just compared Al Gore, who wants us to stop gassing up our atmosphere, to Adolf Hitler, who gassed millions of Jews, Communists, homosexuals, used car salesmen, telemarketers, and pretty much anyone else who cut him off in traffic. Awakening the world on the dangers of climate change, to Beck, is like Hitler creating a master race. And speaking of master race...

4. "So here you have Barack Obama going in and spending the money on embryonic stem cell research. ... Eugenics. In case you don't know what Eugenics led us to: the Final Solution. A master race! A perfect person. ... The stuff that we are facing is absolutely frightening."

Perhaps if Beck had muttered this while tripping on acid back in the 70's I could forgive him of his slippery slope ignorance. But he said this in 2009, well beyond the age of medical enlightenment about the potential breakthroughs embryonic stem cells may offer. They've already been used to grow skin for skin grafts, and they have the capacity to grow into any type of human cell. With research, they may someday cure deafness, Alzheimer's, Lou Gerhig's Disease, Parkinson's disease, and HIV. All from cells that would otherwise be discarded from in-vitro fertilization clinics. Does Glenn Beck seriously think we're going to create a master race via stem cell research? If so, he's dumber than I thought. Stem cell research and cloning are two separate sciences, and the cloning of humans is illegal in America. The Final Solution was Hitler's plan to exterminate the Jews. It had nothing to do with curing diseases.

So Glenn Beck wants us to fear science, at least government funded science. He also wants us to fear other religions. Case in point, Representative Keith Ellison, a Democrat from Minnesota, who also happens to be a Muslim.

5. "I have been nervous about this interview with you because what I feel like saying is, 'Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies. ... And I know you're not. I'm not accusing you of being an enemy, but that's the way I feel, and I think a lot of Americans will feel that way."

Real slick Glenn. I feel like saying to Beck, 'Sir, prove to me that you're not a bumbling, racist, fear mongering buffoon. I think a lot of Americans feel that way.'

6. "If you log onto this (Cars.gov) at your home, everything in your home is now theirs." (Source)

This is Beck's paranoia at its absolute best. According to Glenn Beck, the Cash for Clunkers federal program was nothing more than a secret governmental plot to gain access over your computer. If you log onto the website at home, he warned, the privacy statement notifies you that "Any or all uses of this system and all files on this system may be intercepted, monitored, recorded, copied, audited, inspected, and disclosed to authorized CARS, DoT, and law enforcement personnel, as well as authorized officials of other agencies, both domestic and foreign." Oooo, scary, huh? There's only one problem. Glenn Beck wasn't telling the truth. The above quoted privacy statement doesn't apply to consumers of the program. It's intended for the dealers in the program, entering into a business agreement with the government. So fret not, dear reader. Barack Obama has no interest in confiscating all the hours of porn you have on your hard drive.

7. "Because if you are a white human that loves America and happens to be a Christian, forget about it, Jack."

Beck said this, whining about how everyone hates him, on April 2, 2007. Actually Glenn Beck is a Mormon, but I won't split hairs. What makes this quote so funny are the following very un-Christian quotes:

8. "I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. ... No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out. Is this wrong? I stopped wearing my What Would Jesus -- band -- Do, and I've lost all sense of right and wrong now. I used to be able to say, 'Yeah, I'd kill Michael Moore,' and then I'd see the little band: What Would Jesus Do? And then I'd realize, 'Oh, you wouldn't kill Michael Moore. Or at least you wouldn't choke him to death.' And you know, well, I'm not sure."

To be fair, Glenn Beck said this in 2005, a full two years before he admitted being a Christian (Mormon). You might say, but Jenny, Beck was only joking about killing Michael Moore. Certainly everyone's joked about killing someone once in their life, here or there, right? And I might say, sure... even a secularlist like me admits to having homicidal tendencies here or there. Mine always come on Black Friday. So I'll grant Glenn one mulligan.

9. "I really just really wanted to thank you having me over here to Wine Country, you know. To be invited, I thought I had to be a major Democratic donor, or a long-time friend of yours, which I'm not. By the way, I put poison in your - no. .."

Doh! Not again, this time joking about wining and dining with Nancy Pelosi. Please stop it, Glenn Beck. It'd be different if you were an actual comedian just after laughs, mentally stable and not continually on the verge of...

10. "I'm on the verge of moral collapse at any time. It can happen by the end of the show."

Oh crap. I'm not so sure it hasn't happened already.