Go Ahead. Spy on Your Kids!

Is it evil, paranoid, untrusting parents who spy on their children? Or is it concerned, involved, and thoughtful parents who spy on their children?

Certainly it could be either group. But concerned, involved, and thoughtful parents should not allow the stigma attached to the word "spying" to keep them from doing what they need to do to properly supervise their children's activities.

When I was growing up my school was down the street. My friends were neighbors. My telephone conversations were conducted over the one phone in our dining room. The only CRT I viewed was in our living room. Virtually all my activities were done where my parents could keep an eye on me.

Not so today.

Children are often bused across town to school. They have friends who live miles away. They have an arsenal of ways to keep their conversations and communications totally private. And frankly, these means of private communication-chat rooms, social networking sites, and cell phones-bring new, and sometimes dangerous, temptations into your child's life.

To properly supervise children today often requires some level of "spying."

On the surface, this sounds negative. But in practice, the results are generally positive. A little bit of spying-we used to call it snooping-will most often reinforce the confidence you have in your child.

Our human nature makes the "unknown" frightening. As parents, when there are areas in our children's lives that are "unknown" to us, it scares us. It's just natural.

Some might suggest just asking your child and I am not against this at all. But there are times when parents need independent verification. When President Reagan was negotiating arms reductions with the Soviets, he quoted a Russian proverb that said, "Trust, but verify." There is wisdom in this.

Don't be afraid to check cell phone records to make sure you recognize the numbers being called. Keep your computer in an open place. Get software that records sites visited.

As we allow our children to grow up and take more control of their lives, there are times when we create situations that give them the impression of "freedom" when we are actually still keeping an eye on their activities.

This is good for our children because when they do get real freedom, we know they are safe and prepared to handle it.