Goal: When Being Selfish is Good

Does that title sound too provocative? "Selfish is good"? Maybe you, like so many other well-intentioned people, are often setting your goals to satisfy others rather than yourself. It sounds so selfless and honorable, yet it will likely lead to failure.

Often we let others set our goals for us. The media would have us believe we all must have skinny bodies and fat wallets with a couple of college majors to brag about. Yes, there are great benefits to being fit, educated and financially secure, but those goals don't automatically lead to a happy life. Failure to set or achieve those goals doesn't prevent someone from being happy, either. Some are happy to forego calorie counting - though it may lead to a few extra pounds - and focus on earning a large income or spending time with their families. Some may be physically fit but choose to live simpler lives, earning just enough to get by.

Self-improvement is a goal everyone should have, but self-improvement isn't a one-size-fits-all endeavor. Our priorities vary widely, and what's important to me may be less important to you.

That's where the selfishness comes in! I'm not suggesting for a second that you adopt a goal that would hurt another person. And if you're in a committed relationship, you would ideally share common goals with your spouse or significant other. But when setting goals for yourself, select those that mean something to you, even if that means ignoring, or at least giving less weight, to the wishes of those around you.

If you choose a goal to please someone else, you do yourself a great disservice. The chances of success at a wrongly set goal are much lower. How many overweight people have begun diet programs to please someone else only to find themselves unhappy to have done so? Even if the dieter had success in the beginning, as most do with the initial loss of water weight, his or her morale and optimism likely suffered. Perhaps that spiraled into breakdowns in the dieter's family or career. Sadly, the failure may have caused him or her to revert to old eating habits, gaining back all the weight (and then some) and harming his or her metabolism.

Weight loss is just one example of a very positive goal that, though it can provide numerous benefits, may not be for everyone. Be passionate with your goal setting! If you aren't, you could end up adding stress to your life through unnecessary people-pleasing. And the irony is that in your eagerness to please others, the consequences of wrongly set goals may actually harm your relationships.

Some are driven by others to attain success in business. While many love business and all the challenges and opportunities it presents, some would rather avoid the stress of it and cut out a life for themselves based on physical activity, more free time, and relationships with others. Were they to strive for business success to please someone else, they would likely end up unsuccessful and unhappy.

To be successful at goal setting, you must learn to choose goals that meet your needs and desires. Constant striving for the goals others set for you is a formula for failure. To be selfish with your goals can make you a stronger, more balanced person, actually enabling you to give more of yourself to those you love.