God. . . Deal or No Deal?

So here's my problem: I was raised in the church (as we Southerners say), but walked away from it in my teens, when I realized I knew everything. :-)

For 30 years, I experimented to try out all the sins of the Bible, and had loads of fun doing it, too. Because that is, after all, how Satan gets you to play on his team, he makes sure you have fun!

It was fun, but it didn't stop the depressions. Severe depressions have plagued me most of my life, resulting in suicide attempts, hospital stays, medications, the works. But my last depression was the worst.

All my life, I believed there had to be more than just this existence, and if not, what is the point, really? I believed just like so many people do, that maybe if I had ______ (fill in the blank), I'd be happy. If only I could make more money, have a better car, have more time to write that book, well then I'd be happy, I just knew it. So I set about achieving those goals, thinking they were the key. And eventually, I got them all, every one of them. And I was still so incredibly miserable inside.

So my last depression was when the final dream, my last heart's desire, was fulfilled and I was still empty. I had nothing left to try, no hope that my soul would ever feel peace.

I read something in a book that said: "When God is all you got, God is all you need." At first glance, this might seem simplistic, but it kept eating at me, speaking to me, because my life was that destitute at that moment. I had nothing, not even any more dreams to latch on to. But did I have God? I couldn't breathe for a moment. It felt like I had captured something wispy and beautiful and fragile in my head and I had to be very careful not to romp with it and scare the thought away. I listened intently for something that seemed just out of my hearing range. But it wasn't a physically-spoken message, it was a spiritual one. The Holy Spirit was speaking to my heart, convicting me of my need for Christ in my life.

That was a couple of years ago. Now, you should know that I'm a reader and I've read so many of the classic books on Christianity, like the C. S. Lewis books, My Utmost for His Highest, books by Andrew Murray, Max Lucado, many many books. I take notes in church and study my Bible. You would think that a new Christian should be able to easily find answers to all their questions about living a Christian life.

And yet, I am still frustrated and searching. Maybe it will be a lifelong pursuit.

Anyway, the point of this is to invite and request your participation and assistance in my quest for answers. I have started blogging with some of my questions, and a lively, wonderful group of people contribute on a regular basis. Whether you can offer advice, instruction, mature Christian wisdom, or opinions, or if you would like to just read and learn along with me, I would invite you to join our online community here.

So far, we've covered topics such as prayer, Grey's Anatomy, music in church, choosing a church, pets in heaven, and much more. You can just start joining in with the current topic, or feel free to explore previous postings. In any capacity, we will be glad to have you join us.