God, Can You Hear Me?

The only certainty I have is my humanity. So why is it that I must feel less than human without faith? Why must we feel alone, when we are losing our faith? I know that I have lost my faith; you may be losing yours, or have already lost it. Does this explain why we feel lost or is there something that we're unable to see? Is the act of faith blind, do we truly place our soul on what can only be described as a feeling, an emotion that is so tangible when you feel it but intangible when you lose it.

Being gay and having faith never came easy, but no one promised that it would, so why did i expect it to be. The answer might lie in faith, or is it humanity. A belief that we as a humanity feel a handed right to find happiness, a right to live as we see fit, or is our life destined to be what our creator has meant it to be. If so, why have I lost my faith, and where can we begin to find it. No I know nothing about theology, but I know I am human, know that these feeling are not just my own, but ours. That the emptiness, we feel, that I feel, a feeling that can only be described as a presence without faith is difficult.

Yet I have hope that the answer lies deep inside each one of us. I know the journey is not easy. Everyday I fool myself, I often have thought "oh that just the way things are" "does god love me? Or am I destined to be damned forever" "will I ever find peace knowing that I am in the presence of god" So why is it that feeling that way makes life difficult, why is it that absence of faith does make life easier. Why does the belief keep coming back, when we feel there is no need for it? I often think its because it has been preached to us, religion has dealt us a bad hand. Religion has made us feel as though we are not worth to stand in the presence of God. The idea of making one feel so worthless as to defer them from practicing faith, where faith should be welcomed, can be truly devastating. Is gay really worth the title of damnation, worse to be ostracized from god. We will never truly know the answer until death is at our door. Yet I can not shake the deeper feeling that the soul needs to believe, that there is a God, in which we need to place our faith in. Because without faith what are we? Just human? it's hard to believe to be simply humanity when humanity is more complex than just being.

When you experience true love for the first time, or the generosity of a person, or the feeling of giving, when we listen to our favorite song and it sparks that sensation of joy, but more importantly when we connect with each other especially our friend and family. That can't simply be humanity. So why is it different when we are gay? Why must there be so much pain. Am I alone when I say this? I have my doubts, "is it just me?", or is there no difference is it just a human concept.

Is the majority of our gay community faithless? Or are we merely open to the idea of life. I have come to understand that not of all us, us being the GLTB community feel faithless. Shockingly I have found that many want to believe but it is too painful, to deal with shame our religion does so well to exploit. So we find the polar yet equally satisfying answer of not believing. How do we restore faith? Faith in each other. When the true measure of faith is humanity for when we see the generosity of man, the artistry of man, the selflessness of man, which is the beauty that makes humanity a possibility. This is the true face of god.

If all the beauty that is humanity is a part of God the have I really lost faith? Maybe Its just religion and we must strive to educate those within our religious community that our presence in the face of God is just, and although we might not agree on the technical aspect of true faith, do not ostracize us. Instead welcome us, even if our commonality is the belief that there is a God, and nothing should be worth more than that belief.