God: "I Should 'a Quit Friday Afternoon!"

"Say Boss, I like what Peter's done with the new titanium gates, Those pearly ones were so last millennium. 'Sa matter? You look glum."

"What else? Humans again. Nothing seems to get through their thick skulls. Didn't I learn anything from that dinosaur fiasco? What do I have to do to get them to pay attention? I've melted glaciers. I've flooded Pacific islands. I've extinguished species. I even saddled John McCain's campaign with that Palin woman to point out the futility of bluster, pandering and climate change denial, so what does she do? Claims she was part of 'God's plan.' Jeessh!"

"Yeah, Big Guy, what was she thinking? That you had the divinity cred to get her nominated but didn't have the juice to get her elected. Duh!"

"Knuckleheads were Topic One at our last Deities' golf outing. Of course nothing compared to Allah's loony cakes misquoting Mohammed so they can murder so-called infidels. Meanwhile Buddha just sits there in his cart with that dumb grin on his face like he knows something we don't."

"Yeah, now there's a dude who doesn't miss many meals. What about sending Jesus back? I know it's a sore subject Boss, but Vishnu's guy did okay."

"Don't remind me Michael. Vishie is constantly going on about 'Gandhi this and Gandhi that.' I though giving him all the 7-11s might shut him up. But, no. Besides, the only prophet humans pay attention to these days is the one spelled 'p-r-o-f-i-t.'

"It used to be so easy to whip humans into shape. A little Sodom and Gomorrah here; a 40-day flood there. Now it's one nuisance after another. First, I was supposed to be dead; then there was no hell; now I'm made out to be some universal life force that lives in rocks and trees. And they want me to be -- aghhh! -- 'sensitive.'"

"Speaking of being sensitive Chief, when are you going to fix my name in the Scriptures. A female finally makes it out of the cherub pool to archangel and for centuries everyone still thinks I'm a guy."

"Don't start with me, Gabriella! I'm not in the mood. It's not my fault Peter misspelled your name in the Golden Scroll. I told you before, I'll work in a correction in Volume Three when I fix all those other mistakes. Creation in six days! Who in heaven's name comes up with this stuff? Besides, if I had made the world in a week, I would have quit Friday afternoon and wouldn't have all those idiots down there now screwing up my work from the first five days."