GoDaddy.com's Super Bowl Boob Ad is Bust

I was not impressed by GoDaddy.com's blatant boob bonanza. Perhaps because I am not a guy, I just do not get the fact that if mammaries are involved nothing else matters to you heterosexual males of the human species. But even my dear husband admitted that while the wet t-shirt display peaked his interest, the rest of the commercial was neither creative nor memorable. For heaven's sake, if you are going to have gratuitious girly scenes, at least pick a woman that does not look like she is forty years old with a bad facelift. Her plastic yucky face was scaring me. I felt like I could reach out and stretch her lips all the way across my television screen. Obviously, she spent all her money somewhere below the neck. At least she has something nice to show for her hard-earned money.

Maybe if they spent more time in the wet t-shirt scene, the distraction would have been enough for me to concede to the fact that yes, bouncing breasts will sell anything. I may be female, but I will admit to a hot chick when I see one, and I am aware of the fact that men in general respond more to visual stimuli than women (men love boobs - end of story). Instead, they decide to focus on the boring dude in a suit gibbering and yammering about some nonsense I do not understand and do not want to understand. What is it that you are trying to get me to do again? Or get me to buy? Or what? While watching him walk down the hall, I am thinking surely there is going to be some kickass girl-on-girl mudfight next, or maybe two girl mechanics will share a candy bar...I was so wrong.

The point here is you need to grab me as soon as you start rolling film. If you do not have my attention in the first ten seconds, then I am going to go pee and forget about you. That is right, you need to give me a reason to tell my bladder to wait its turn. The first ten seconds here consisted of some guy droning on about his focused company, something, something, blah, blah, I'm asleep. By the time we get to the girls, we do not even get a good look at any of them for very long, and I am already pissed off that I was forced to watch this pasty dude praising the GoDaddy gods. My husband and I looked at each other and thought, OK, that was ... weird. GoDaddy.com, did you really pay millions of dollars for thirty seconds of crap? Surely you can do better than this for that kind of money.

We all know hot chicks and their chests are good attention-getters for males between the ages of 0 - 837 (after that it just doesn't matter or so I'm told). I guess this may be news to you, but you are not the first company to think of this perky idea. That means you need to try to also add a cup of ingenuity and a dash of imagination to the plot (it doesn't take much you know, but men are not total maroons either). For example, you had a midget, but you let it go. Even Emerald Nuts knows how to do a better job of capitalizing on their vertically challenged staff (do not send me hate mail I am an extremely short person myself).

At least the music at the end was somewhat catchy and amusing for like the five seconds it played. OK. I'm lying. Not really. In truth, it was simply a relief that this was the signal that the commercial was ending. There I go again trying to be balanced in my opinion even when it is impossible. I am way too nice.

Anyway, I think I am going to go grab a Snickers bar and some sexy Doritos, drink some Bud Light and Coca-Cola, and haul some heavy stuff with my Toyota Tundra while I head to Taco Bell instead.

(www.ifilm.com/video/2819690/collection/18373/minisite/superbowl)