Going Back to School as an Adult: Backpacks, Lunches and Getting to Class "On Time"

Carolyn recently shared with her husband, David, an interest in returning to school. Fifteen years since her high school graduation, healthy marriage and 3 beautiful children, she feels something is missing. As she toiled for several months in an attempt to pinpoint what that "missing" piece was, she recognized how her interest does not lie within her current job. Carolyn's position at a law firm was the vehicle through which to sustain her family's needs and to be a contributing member to society. Yet, her high pressure role in a fast-paced office no longer lends itself to her career motivations and desires. As David has expressed complete support, he silently questions the impact this will have on both finances and family.

As the man of the house, he is willing to fulfill the societal view of the male role as the "provider" without complaint as this may convey a sign of weakness. Yet, he struggles with two concerns. The first concern is maintaining the finances while Carolyn locates part-time employment that will balance with her school schedule. The second concern is how to express his apprehensions to Carolyn without sounding unsupportive. As both Carolyn and David have private unshared thoughts about this transition, the barrier of distant communication between the two shows a slow increase.

Carolyn and David are not the only married couple in society who pursue significant life transitions with feelings of apprehension. A current call in society is to gain higher education in order to transition up the career ladder. In addition, more people want to combine the themes of personal interests and jobs that promote financial stability. Yet, during this period of decision-making, it is critical for the couple to consider the following three factors:

1. Steps to Maintain a Healthy Marriage

As a couple explores the idea of higher education for either the wife or the husband, it is important to maintain open communication. This involves periodic "check-ups" regarding the topic and considering your partner's emotions and concerns. As concerns are identified, the couple must explore ways through which those concerns can be addressed through a manner of respect. In communicating feelings of apprehension, it is necessary to observe how you express your thoughts to your partner. Be aware of certain words that can trigger defensiveness such as, "You always..." or "You never..." It is important to avoid absolutes (always and never) as these are "never" true regarding an individual's behavior. Instead of labeling or criticizing your partner's behavior, it may be more productive to simply express your own feelings in a manner that may decrease the chance of dissention. For example, phrases that begin with "I feel" rather than "You always" convey the message that you want to explore and discuss rather than accuse and criticize. Overall, as you engage in such sensitive topic areas, be sure to consider both your feelings and those of your partner.

2. Consider Various Options

As an individual considers returning to school, it is necessary to explore whether he or she would like to participate in the traditional classroom or through distance education. The traditional classroom requires being at a certain place at a certain time. In addition, this allows for face-to-face connections with the professor and fellow classmates. Yet, if one's schedule does not allow for participation at scheduled times or if the degree of interest in not within the immediate geographic location, then distance education serves as a great alternative. This learning method allows the person to engage in higher education with a level of flexibility and increased options. The use of webcams and other technological methods are viable alternatives to the face-to-face classroom. Therefore, the couple would benefit from exploring current day options for pursuing further education.

3. Explore the Finances

Returning to school can be a costly endeavor therefore the couple should explore their current financial situation, develop a budget, and consider ways of adjusting spending habits. In the long run, this may help decrease finance related stress. In addition, it is important to explore whether one's current job may help pay for the degree if it is directly relevant to the company needs. Furthermore, the individual should explore grants, scholarships, and educational loans as alternative ways of funding.

The decision to return to school after settling into family life can be both beneficial and stressful. Therefore, it is important to consider your partner's emotions in addition to your own. Take time to consider the three factors of maintaining a healthy marriage, considering various options, and exploring the finances as you step into this significant transition and you will be well on your way to a balanced decision.