Going Dutch on a Date: The Downfall of the Modern Flirt

We all flirt. It's human nature. Some are more skilled at it than others, but what I'd like to know is what crosses the line for both men and women and when is it just enough already. I mean, should flirting be limited to subtle body language, a longing gaze across a room or playful touching? It used to be and has sustained people for years, why not now? Or in the age of the supposed man shortage do women have to up the stakes and just toss their home training aside in order to be chosen "best in show"? Should you say things or cleverly use words and phrases in an email to someone who has caught your fancy just because you "believe" no one else will ever see it or on a voicemail message just because you figure they gave you their home number for a reason and if they live alone no one will ever know? And even if you "believe" no one else will ever see it or hear it (which most oftentimes is never the case-trust me I've had a slew of male friends in my lifetime-I've seen/heard your messages), don't you think that in his or her mind on some level that reeks of desperation and that he is secretly getting a kick out of watching you put yourself out there like that or enjoys knowing that you are so ripe that you're about to fall off the tree without them even having to shake it? And umm, let's not even get started on this new era text messaging.

I mean, I am observant by nature. I watch people, hang back and just check out the situation wherever I go. I've always had male friends who came to me for advice, my thoughts or insight on how to proceed with those of the female persuasion and they almost never think of having anything serious with women who come across like this, but many women don't get it. When the attention they "think" was theirs starts to wane they devise another scheme to try to keep him focused on them. Any little excuse that'll keep them in back and forth contact or give them an excuse to call, send emails or show up at the office or "do lunch". These women are like children acting out for attention and for them they'll take whatever scrap they can get-even a short-term scrap, like pulling out every brazen flirting tool known to man and trying to squeeze it into a 30 minute lunch meeting/date. Uh, zero points for being subtle. One of the benefits of having male friends is that you get to see how they view women. You learn what men "really" want, beyond all the hyping yourself up about how good you'll do him in bed. It is because of male friends that I've be able to tell a man, "you know I care about you because I want you to know." Some women don't know that there are benefits to reeling in your feelings and once you're sure there are possibilities then you can let it out carefully as he reveals himself to you as well and tells you its mutual. Many women don't wait for those signs. Many women don't realize that just because you feel it or feel him you don't have to wear it on your proverbial sleeve and that it doesn't have to be the topic of every single conversation or cryptically eluded to in every email or voicemail message-have some class.

Yes, I flirt/have flirted so I personally don't think there is anything wrong with flirting per se, but men expect us to set boundaries, and we should, but women who come on strong like that and think its "sexy" to be that aggressive, may as well just assume the position and show him which nightstand to leave the money on, because in the end that's all its ever going to be about anyway. I mean, in the age of infectious diseases you've got to get beyond seeing someone's photo or meeting them in a bar/club or at an event and thinking they're cute or fine. Men who go overboard with the flirting don't help either. They know women will succumb, so, they do it and watch them cheapen themselves and practically beg for a ride yelling -"I got next!" It feeds their feeble egos. But the world is changing, let's respect each other, our space and boundaries instead of using each other for cheap thrills late at night when we're lonely or when we're sitting at our desk bored at work. Guard the words that come out of your mouth and make the world a safer place for your little ones, or else you'll be raising future Maury Povich paternity show guests, and trust me, even for free tickets to New York and hotel stay, that aint too cute.

I think that many women believe that just being friends with a good looking man is a waste, they've just got to have him be hers or else what's the point of being around him or hanging out with him-that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. If someone is offering your genuine friendship, take it and stop trying to find ways to make it more than that or make every decent man that smiles at you or talks sweetly to you "the one" in your mind. Just because he's single doesn't mean he's for YOU just because you happen to be single too. C'mon ladies, find an extracurricular activity, keep yourself busy and love, if you want it, will find you-and umm, it won't call you at 2 a.m. asking to come over either.