Golden Gate Bridge to Leave San Francisco

San Francisco's famous Golden Gate Bridge will be dismantled on May 1st for some much needed restoration work, after it partially collapsed last year. San Francisco's most famous landmark will be painted rather spectacularly in gold, before the construction company Dumbuss & Sons put her back up again. Tourists to San Francisco are bound to be disappointed, as the bridge will be down for around 25 years.

A spokesperson for Dumbuss said: "Yeah, it's a while before the Golden Gate Bridge will be up again, but we have made contingency plans, and we're sure that the people of San Francisco will think it was worth the wait." San Francisco officials were not available for comment.

The dismantling ceremony will include a 500-strong school choir singing I Left My Heart in San Francisco, and surviving hippies will anoint the bridge with their own urine. Urine anointation has always been a tradition in bridge dismantling, as it bestows good luck.

Lemon Banana Cantilever Bridge

The Golden Gate Bridge is bigger than some bridges, and so the dismantlitation will take longer than smaller bridges. San Francisco's replacement bridge, until the Golden Gate Bridge is restorified, will be the Lemon Banana Cantilever Bridge - so called because of the specific paint used, which smells of lemon, and because the bridge is in the shape of a banana. A lot of the San Franciscans aren't happy. Local pothead Twirly Whirly Curly said: "Man, it's just too much yellow. Even Donovan wouldn't think that thing was mellow."

The people of San Francisco will be given the opportunity to write their names on the Golden Gate Bridge before it is removed. The golden paint will be put on top of the names and they will disappear forever.

A magnificent sight in San Francisco, the Golden Gate Bridge is an impressive symbol of man's ingenuitiveness. The world waits with bated breath to see if Dumbuss & Sons will restore the bridge to her former glory, though they have a good record on bridge fixing. Although their work on the Blimey Bridge in London did see it collapse after three minutes. Thankfully nobody was injured.

Also regarded as one of the most impressive bridges in the world's history, the Golden Gate Bridge of San Francisco is a bridge which is nobody's fool, not even on April 1st...