Gonorrhea on the Rise: The LD from the CDC on this STD

(New York-NY) The old joke goes: "I remember the first time I had sex. I kept the receipt." Back in the good old daze, the 1970s, when I was coming of age, paying for "it" wasn't really a concern, unless you define payment as a few rails done in a stall at Studio 54. Sure, you might walk away with a little tingle south of the equator a few days later, but it was an itch a shot of penicillin could scratch. Well, last week the CDC came out with a report that gonorrhea has increased two successive years, (2005 and 2006) after being the lowest it had been in 2004, since the government start keeping records in 1941.

In 2004, 113.5 people out of 100,000 had gonorrhea. In 2006, it went to 121 per 100,000. While I'm all for the "we're numero uno" America attitude, that was a little troubling for me, not for any fear of STD, since my sexual activity at 52 is basically limited to watching Paris Hilton's sex romps in montages on LiveLeak.

Why are we getting screwed by STD? It seems there is a new gonorrhea "super bug" that is resistive to the traditional treatments used to knock the condition out of you faster than a Bush appointee to the head FEMA.

Health officials don't know exactly how many of the more than 358,000 gonorrhea cases reported in 2006 were from this new bug. But a survey of 28 cities found that 14 percent were resistant to ciprofloxacin and other medicines used to treat gonorrhea. Sure, there are those of you out there who will just say, "No problem, I won't sleep with anyone from those cities." It doesn't work. It's like the time I thought that as long as I dated someone who spoke German and was from Austria they wouldn't be an anti-Semite.

Let's tally up what we have here. Gonorrhea is up because the antibiotics that treat it have caused the bacteria to evolve. I suppose that I should also toss in the fun fact that the CDC found cases of chlamydia at an all time high in 2006, at more than one million. But there is some good news. Syphilis is at an all time low, not because we're curing it more. They're just counting death as a cure. Only kidding.

So what are we to do? Become evangelicals? Kind of a problem if you're Muslim, Jewish, gay, lesbian or not Rudy Giuliani or John McCain. Fear not. I'm not going to leave you high and dry, and possibly burning. Because of my navigating through the free flowing love of the 1970s, I have come up with a few guidelines that are non-gender or sexual preference specific.

To borrow a format from the striking Late Show writers, "The Top Ten Reasons You Shouldn't Sleep With Someone If You're Afraid Of Getting Gonorrhea."

10) Their profile on Match.com begins with: "I'm looking for a serious commitment...until morning.

9) They have a sign over their bed that reads, "Over one billion serviced."

8) Their opening line is: "Just because you buy me a dinner, I'm not going to sleep with you, because I'm already scheduled for sex in the bathroom."

7) Their idea of a compliment is: "Gee, you look just like my last pimp."

6) Anyone who uses the word "bukkake".

5) You got their number off of a bathroom wall, while you were having sex with someone else.

4) They think Gary Glitter is "really just misunderstood."

3) They call "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" a great date movie.

2) Their idea of an intimate evening is everyone under the "A" section of the phone book

1) Any one from the Bush administration tells you, "Sleep with them. It's a slam
dunk."

If you'd like to see some of my view, please visit my vlog, Ed-E-torial.