Good Manners for Children

"Mind your manners." How many times did you hear that as a child? And yet how often have you said it to your child? Those two numbers may differ greatly, but why? Living in these modern times is a grand thing and progress has been made in too many areas to name. But teaching and displaying good manners seems to be a forgotten art in this age of electronics and computers. In general, having mannerly conduct involves considering others ahead of ourselves and respecting our differences. Wait...did I say that we have differences? Yes indeed, I most certainly did! Showing courtesy to women is not being sexist and being respectful to our elders is not a sign of weakness. Making appropriate choices in behavior should be taught in childhood, so that these tendencies are ingrained into us as permanently as using a fork or drinking from a cup. Let us take a moment to discuss proper etiquette and common courtesy for children. Perhaps we adults can learn a few things as well!

The first thing parents teach their children is speech. Remember the countless days of trying to coax baby to say "mommy"? Communication is a vital part of our lives and our words have the opportunity to build or destroy relationships. Children need to learn the following rules of using good manners in speech:

1. Say "please" when you ask.
2. Say "thank you" when you receive.
3. Say "pardon me" or "excuse me" when you interrupt conversation, walk in front of someone or commit an indiscretion.
4. Say "I'm sorry" when you may have caused a problem, hurt or inconvenience.
5. Use "ma'am" or "sir" when speaking to your elders.
6. Greet others cheerfully as you become aware of their presence.
7. Speak clearly and make eye contact.

Next to conversation, body language is the best communicator. Our body language can convey our true emotions, no matter what our lips may be saying. Teach your children to be sure that their body language is in agreement with their words. If little Bobby apologizes for an infraction while rolling his eyes and shaking his head in disgust, his apology does not ring true; genuine repentence can be viewed in one's eyes and facial expression. When greeting someone, a sincere smile while maintaining proper eye contact speaks volumes. Turn toward the speaker so that he or she can be sure of your full attention. Nod appropriately and comment or ask questions to show interest.

In addition, children have a set of rules for appropriate behavior toward adults. The old saying, "Children should be seen and not heard" is no longer promoted in our culture, but this does not excuse children from proper etiquette. Behaving respectfully toward one's elders is simply common courtesy, and yet these rules are becoming increasingly uncommon. Some of these rules are:

1. Children should not interrupt adult conversation unless absolutely necessary. Speak during a pause, or wait to be acknowledged before speaking, and then always say "excuse me."
2. Always speak in a respectful tone of voice.
3. Rise when an adult first enters the room.
4. If seating is limited, offer your seat to an adult.
5. An older child, such as a teenager, should allow adults to pass through doorways first.

Children should be taught these basic rules of etiquette from an early age, but it's never too late. The first step is to exhibit these rules ourselves and set a good example. Our children observe our behavior to set the standards for their own actions. Approriate behavior and proper etiquette should never be "out of style", so remember these rules of common courtesy and don't let good manners become old-fashioned!