Governor Mark Sanford Involved in Death of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett?

Three news stories involving three very public figures (Governor Mark Sanford, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson) may in fact be linked in a web of deceit, murder, and intrigue.

Governor Mark Sanford's Mysterious Disappearance
On June 24, Governor Mark Sanford returned from his supposed backpacking trip where he was "doing something exotic" only to announce that he was...well...doing just that. Mark Sanford held a press conference in which he explained his year-long affair with an Argentinean woman, letting Republicans worldwide know that he had let everyone down, including his family.

Farrah Fawcett's Bout With Cancer
This morning, June 25, it was announced that Charlie's original Angel, Farrah Fawcett, had lost her battle with cancer. A tragedy to be sure, Farrah Fawcett's death captured the media's attention for a short time.

Michael Jackson's Arrested Heart
This afternoon, it was announced that Michael Jackson died from some sort of trauma involving cardiac arrest. This third and final news story dominated the day's news, and became the first and foremost topic of conversation for millions.

Is it a coincidence that Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Mark Sanford capture the media all within such a short span? I think NOT!

The Michael Jackson-Farrah Fawcett-Mark Sanford Connection
Wake up people. There is only one explanation for what's going on right now. Clearly, nobody likes to have negative limelight on them, especially a politician like Mark Sanford. I think what has really happened here is shockingly obvious: Governor Mark Sanford has killed pop culture legends Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

The Events Leading Up to Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett's Deaths
Let's go over the details. Governor Mark Sanford wasn't acting what most would consider "normal" during his little press conference. Of course, he was nervous and embarrassed...but there was something going on in his eyes besides those tears...something...crazy.

And did anyone notice that his wife wasn't there to stand by him? What governor holds a press conference about an affair, and doesn't have their wife to stand by with them?!?! This is maddening. SOMETHING was brewing...and Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson paid the price for his publicized failures.

Mark Sanford's Plan
My guess is that Governor Mark Sanford wanted to start oUT small. He knew that the late night circuits would run the jokes, he knew that the celebrity gossip sites and shows wouldn't get enough of him...so he decided to take matters into his own hands. He would have to create a diversion to get the media off of him. Farrah Fawcett would have to do.

It would make sense. Everyone knew of her battle with cancer, via her documentary that aired about a month ago. Farrah Fawcett was already dying, and would be the solution.

Farrah Fawcett and Mark Sanford
So it happened. Farrah Fawcett took the fall for Mark Sanford. And everyone took the bait. But he was still in the headlines! Throughout the news today, Mark Sanford was mentioned at least 17 times over several major networks. Sanford would have to do something big...something bold...he would have to take out the King of Pop: Michael Jackson.

And so Michael Jackson would be Mark Sanford's next victim. My guess is that he poisoned the smooth criminal Michael Jackson. Why else would a healthy king at the upper-to-mid downslope of his game have a random deathly cardiovascular issue? MARK SANFORD!!!!!

Michael Jackson's Death Dominates the News
And if you have been watching the news...you know that THIS diversion worked quite well. I don't know if Mark Sanford acted alone in perpetrating Michael Jackson's death. He could have received some help from former Illinois governor Rob Blagojevich who recently attracted some negative attention, or perhaps he recruited Christian Bale. I mean that guy's ripped. He could take care of any celebrity assassination. Or maybe even former New York governor Elliot Spitzer was a part of the job. Spitzer could certainly empathize with Sanford's zipper trouble, and could share his burning vendetta against the media...

Of course...any intelligent person knows this is not the case. But does anyone else find it more than a bit irritating how long the media obsesses over whatever negative thing is going on in the world? I mean come on...really?

Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett Will Continue to Be News
My guess is that information about Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett will stay in the top headlines for months to come, which is ridiculous. They deserve better.

I feel for the families of these individuals as they have to sit and deal with the press, the interviews, the questions, the bombardments. And they have no control over this. It's just the way the media works. Give them a bone, and they'll chew the crap out of it until the next juicy, fresh bone is thrown their way. The fact that you are reading this proves this to be true.

The Deaths of Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Mark Sanford
At the end of the day, Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett are dead, as well as Mark Sanford's career. Yeah, it's a sad day. But when the day is over, it's over. Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson were talented people...but they're people, not gods. Let's shed a tear, and move on...shall we?

Of course...this is just wishful thinking. The news media will continue to obsess over these events until something juicier comes their way. Oh well. Such is life.

By the way, I hear Winnie the Pooh is planning a sex change...

DISCLAIMER:
For those who don't understand satire, these conjectures are specifically for the purpose of pointing out that the media makes TOO MUCH of the lives of celebrities. Enjoy what they give us, care when they pass, and move on with life.