Gracious Grandparenting

I survived raising two daughters. Before I determined whether or not I did an OK job as a parent, my first grandchild was on his way. He was followed by three more little people. As I muddled through the learning process of grand parenting, I discovered it was much like being a mom. However, I had to realize that grandchildren are shared with many people, and they have parents who make the decisions.

Share the Love

I understand that sharing a grandchild is difficult for some people. It is more common than you know. Here's a candid confession: When my first grandchild was born, I dreaded the thought of sharing him. Between my daughter's in-laws and her own extended family, there were a lot of hands reaching out for that bundle of joy.


I longed to cuddle, admire, and basically hog this baby to myself. He was such an extension of me that it was hard to put him down. I could not get enough. I hated to leave him. "Mom, put the baby in the car seat, and back away," my daughter said each time. "I can't. He is too cute. He smells wonderful. I just love him," was my usual reply.


It is Not Just About Me

Seriously, I was caught off guard by the depth of my emotion for this tiny person. I never thought for a moment that it took two to produce that little wonder. I guess I thought my daughter pulled off this miracle all by herself. I had to remember that my son-in-law had parents who were just as proud and excited as I was.

Thank goodness I did not act out the selfish emotion of wanting to keep the new grand baby to myself. It is unbecoming behavior for a grandparent. It will raise all sorts of upset in a family.

A Mimi Not a Mommy

I experienced this same feeling with the next three grand kids as well. My husband offered me gentle prompts along the way. He said I was a huge part of their lives, but I was Mimi, not Mommy. I did get that.

In reality, though, it was like getting a second chance to fix any mistakes I may have made as a mother. I really have had the chance to do just that with my four sweeties. However, I do it solely from a grandmother's perspective, not a mom's. This way, no one catches on.

Let the Parents Parent

Yes, you are the doting grandparents. No one disputes that. However, your grand kids have parents. Leave the parenting to your sons and daughters. Respect their decisions. I spend a lot of time with all my grandchildren. Even so, I have rules to follow.

Appreciate Parents' Rules

Through the years, I may have gone against the parents' wishes a few times. It was small things like letting the grand kids fall asleep without brushing their teeth. Oh, and on more than one occasion, my grandchildren have eaten pizza way too late at night.

Other than that, and maybe some chocolates even though they did not eat their dinner; I sincerely appreciate their parents' rules. If the parents say one hour of video games, I stick with one hour of video games. It is their call.


By the way, my first-born grandchild, who I could not stop hugging, well, he's 13 now. He is taller than me, but I still hug him every chance I get. He still let's me, too.

Gracious Grandparents

It's likely your grandchildren have other grandparents besides you. Make it easy on everyone involved, especially your own children; be gracious about sharing the grand kids. Be there for your kids, but let them take their best shot at parenting.