Graduation Speech 2009

As I look out today at your bright faces,
I know that many of you are naked under your robes.
I am under mine.
I also am aware that behind the front rows of high achievers
sits the lazy majority of you.
I once sat in your place.
You, the majority, didn't stay up late studying.
You were out partying, getting drunk. Some of you were smoking.
And you had a good time. You brought home a girlfriend while the
geek in the first row got A's on his report card.
Now I'm going to tell you licentious folks the facts of life.
You make the right choice!
Our government plans to take all the over-achiever's money and
give it to you.
I know you don't mind and it's too late to change your ways.
The nerds won't complain because they don't want to get picked on.
What is this? Everyone in the front rows can't leave!