Grandparents Provide Link to the Past for Grandchildren

Very few people can tell stories about their grandparents without coming up with one or two which sum up a grandparent's personality. Even fewer people can speak of their grandparents and not get misty. After all, grandparents are the people who love us when we are truly unlovable.

For me it involves a chair. A tall chair. It was a simple thought. Small children don't like high chairs, but they really can't sit up to the table properly without one.

My grandfather, Pop Pop, Frank Remesch, a woodcrafter with a vengeance during his retirement, designed what we in our family call "the tall chair." It's a wooden chair with extra long legs so small children can fit snugly at the table without feeling like babies.

That chair is over 40 years old now, and I have it on my dining room, waiting to use it on my own grandchildren when the come. With its odd rust color, it certainly stands out in my formal Victorian dining room. I could paint it to match, and it would still be a tall chair, but it wouldn't be the same.

Grandparents are always remembered as the ones who had the time to bake cookies, go fishing, tell us about the family history...and teach us things in a much more patient way than our parents could.

"My grandmother was a very proper lady, and an exceptional seamstress," explains Linda. "I remember being very young, maybe six or seven, and standing in front of her at the sewing machine, standing right between her legs, "helping" her sew. She was very patient with me, and together we'd stitch those seams. Never a harsh word, no criticism for a budding, but hopelessly inept seamstress. Although she must have had to rip and redo most of what I helped with, she never let on. This woman gave me the sense that I could do something well, that I could learn a new skill, and she let me know that I was worth the time."

Similarly, when Rebecca was bedridden for many months, her "Gram," a first grade school teacher for 26 years, helped the young woman with her schoolwork. "Gram had a very special way of making history and books come alive," Rebecca recalls.

Grandparents give us a real insight about whom we can be in the future. I think I get my sense of humor and understanding of others from my maternal grandmother, Mary Berger, and her relatives.

Every holiday on my birthday, she'd call and tell me she was just putting my card in the mail, along with a dollar to spend however I wanted. I never got the dollar---any dollar. Neither did anyone else Grandmom promised. I know in her heart she wanted to send it, but financially, it was not possible. We thanked her profusely, and politely overlooked it when we next saw her. I'm counting on my own grandchildren to do the same if I ever find myself not living up to the promises I've made.

Fred recalls his great-grandfather taking out his false teeth and directing them at the family dog. It's one of those things a child can appreciate, and also be a fond memory as an adult. For others, grandparents left us before they had a chance to share, and therefore, they left us with questions.

My own (maternal) Granddaddy, Charles Dorsey Berger, was killed when I was 12 years old, the victim of a robbery attempt gone awry. I grieved then, but as I've grown older I find myself grieving more for the person I never had the opportunity to know. I've been told he did crossword puzzles every night, and sure enough, before I can go to sleep at night, I must do one, too. I thought I got that from my dad, until one day he made a quip that I was "just like the old man," my granddaddy. It left me wondering what else I didn't know about him...and myself.

Most people don't remember much about trips to Disney World or fancy presents. Most remember very simple, everyday slices of life. "I always remember my maternal Grandfather---sitting on his lap and smelling his Condor Twist (pipe tobacco), one woman told me.

Those lucky enough to have spent time with a grandparent, grow up with a real sense of who they are and where they come from. Nanny, my father's mother, worked during the depression, and she often told me she made the final payment on the family home---something like $35---herself when others were losing all they had. Nanny was the original working woman.

Grandparents give us a real sense of what our family is all about---even when we don't recognize it as it is happening. My cousins and I are scattered about the state of Maryland. After my grandmother, Violet Remesch (Nanny) died, I wondered what our holidays would be like. Our family had gathered at 2 p.m. on every holiday at Nanny's house for more than 30 years. With her gone, would we stay a family? My cousin Nancy recently told me, "I always sknew Nanny was what held the family together, but I never really knew how much until now."

If you are lucky enough to have grandparents, call them. You'll never regret it.

If you are a grandparent, make sure your grandchildren know the history of the family. Why do you keep that dried up, old rose pressed in the family Bible? What were your family games as a child?

Each year at my daughter's school, the fifth graders are asked to "interview" a grandparent to find out what they were like in fifth grade and what they remember of the world when they were young.

The children often hear tales of World War II, the Depression and of less expensive items. But they also hear about personal triumphs, favorite books and treasured family pets form the past. It is an afternoon that has a lasting effect on both the child and the grandparent. Don't wait for your grandchild to ask. Share your stories now.