Grandparents Raising Their Grandchildren

When I was still counseling a few years ago I had several grandparents who were raising their grandkids as my clients. The other counselors had some as well. There seems to be a common thread in regards to the difficulties most of them seem to be experiencing. Let's take a look at what some grandparents are dealing with nowadays when they have to be parents to their own grandchildren.

Let's start out with some of the reasons a grandparent may end up raising their grandchildren. Some of the parents were in jail, others on drugs, and some just plain irresponsible. Some may also be too young too understand what being a parent is all about. There is a very small group whose parents may have been killed in an accident or loss due to illness. Many times the choice is either foster parenting, or the grandparents. Well, of course most grandparents do step up to the plate. Let's take a look at what some of them experience.

One of the biggest obstacles I found they all shared was how to play the parenting role when all they wanted to be was grandma and grandpa. Make no mistake about it, it's a completely different role. Most of them found the disciplining the hardest. In fact that's why most of them came to counseling in the first place. Most of the grandkids seemed to have grandma and grandpa wrapped around their finger. You have to remember the strategies, and discipline they used many years ago may not work as well now with kids being so much harder to handle.

One of the other problems that was common was understanding this crazy new world and how it relates to kids nowadays. Let's face it it's hard enough for parents who are only one generation apart to understand things that are going on now, no less two generations. It's very hard for grandparents to take that leap from what was right and wrong back then to what may be acceptable now for a kid of the same age. Quite frankly, I believe good upbringing never goes out of style.

Most of the grandparents felt a sense of deep loss with their grand-parenting role. Like most of us that are grandparents we just want to spoil the kids rotten, and send them home to mom and dad for all the hard stuff. After all we did all our dirty work already. My suggestion was set some time aside just to be grandma and grandpa, and hold on to that role. It may be difficult to juggle both roles, but well worth it for the grandparents sanity.

The grandparents also seemed t worry about, what if? What if we have our grandchildren a long time, and then mom and dad come back and are ready to take them away? Another possible loss that most may not want to experience.

Some of the grandparents were just plain too tired to struggle with a younger child, or a teenager. Remember what it was like even when you were a young parent? Imagine being in your 50's or 60's and doing the same things. I shutter to think. I know I couldn't do it. I know it would be hard with a younger child, but I wouldn't even try to tackle a teenager.

Last but not least were the worries about money. A lot of grandparents are retired and on a fixed income. Some just barely get by for two, no less all the expense for a few grandchildren. It may cause a great deal of stress on the grandparents as well as on the grandchildren to not have enough money for basic necessities. Not to many parents who have left their kids with the grandparents are helping out financially.

Those are just some of the more common worries and problems I found with grandarents raising their grandchildren. Of course each family is different and will experience things in their own way, and to different degrees. However, what is clear to me, is that it is a very noble task a grandparent takes on, when they choose to raise the children, that their children should be raising!