Gratitude Can Change Your Life

I was quite challenged last week after watching a rerun of Oprah's show on The Secret, an episode I had previously missed. One of the topics discussed was gratitude.

I understand the concept of gratitude ... for the good things in life! Dwelling on the things you are grateful for makes you realize that you have been, are being and will continued being blessed.

But these people were expecting me to be grateful for the less pleasant things in my life too! Specifically for the things that maimed and hurt me, the things that set me on a path that almost destroyed me. Grateful? I didn't think that was possible. I thought that the best I'd be able to do was accept, let go and move on.

Then, after a few days of mulling this over, I finally got it! Also mainly because of Oprah - she really is a wise woman and a brilliant role model. She says in every situation we need to question what we are meant to learn from this situation or person. Because we "invite" people and situations into our lives to teach us something.

Well, I don't know whether I invited my lack of nurturing and mothering into my life (I was just a kid!), but I have come to see that it has taught me something very important: WHEN MY TURN TO MOTHER AND NURTURE COMES ALONG, I'LL UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF IT! My experience will turn out to be a blessing to my children... Changing my attitude towards my past breaks its power over my children.

I can also see that I tried to nurture and mother every man in my life. Oh they loved me, and they loved that I tended to their wounds so unselfishly. Some got better, and flew away! Some preferred to drag their wings for life, and became resentful of my efforts. The result was always the same - I felt rejected, after having given so much!

But ultimately, each person is responsible for his or her own healing. I am now nurturing and mothering myself. And loving it! And of course, I'm with the only man I've ever met who doesn't need me to fix him! He's great just the way he is! Not perfect, but very good! In fact, you know, I think this may be the secret of our success: we are able to love and respect each other without the need to change the other... His unconditional love, delivered in a mature way, has awakened my own need for healing and has created the space for me in which to do it.

Having learned the lesson that I don't need to perfect has freed me! It has also made me more patient with people. I accept that there will always be stupid people, mean people, weak people and people with chips on their shoulders. I don't have to try and change them, I can just avoid them (except when dealing with officialdom, but then I can practice being patient). Ultimately I control what and who I allow into my life, and you can bet your bottom dollar it won't be the complaining, the needy, the nasty, the draining and the negative. This means that I will remove myself from situations which irk me.

I may still rant about injustice and stupidity, but I'm really working on it. When I started my healing journey I said that we should be gentle in all things - even criticism. It's not always easy, since I am critical by nature, but I believe that I've come a long way.

One of the nicest people in my life is Des, my former colleague. From him I've learned moderation and prevailing. But the most valuable lesson he taught me is to always make sure that my intentions are good. Yes sure, sometimes we go about something the wrong way, but if your intentions were good, it really counts for something. This concept has changed the way in which I deal with things people do and say. And you know what? It helps to always give people the benefit of the doubt... So, in my life, you are innocent of bad intentions until you prove yourself guilty.

I now know that I learn from every person and situation in my life. This opens the door to gratitude. And through gratitude I am blessed.